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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064103006" data-attributes="member: 14320">Little JohnnyLittle Johnny was saying his prayers one night, and ended with"God bless Grandpa." In the morning the family discovered Grandpa deadin his bed. Johnny explained the possible link between his specialprayer the night before and the sudden death, but no one paid him heed.The next night Johnny prayed, "God bless Grandma." She too was founddead the next morning, and when Johnny told of his prayer, everyone becamevery concerned.On the third night Johnny prayed, "God bless Pa." Johnny's mother toldher husband of the prayer, and he became instantly paranoid and was unableto sleep a wink. In the morning he dragged his ass to work. At the end ofthe day he returned and complained,"What a horrible day! No sleep last night, accidents at work, andeveryone arguing!""Hah! You think you had a bad day!" said his wife, "The mailmandropped dead on our front porch this morning."Q: What is the most tasteless song you can play at an oldster's dance?A: Taps.Q: What is a 6.9?A: It's a 69 interrupted by a period.Daffynition - Hijacking: a masturbating astronaut.A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'Joe: 'Really?'Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell...'2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex. The guy says "You must be an OBGYN because you can work that pussy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."In's and Out's Of Sucking A BoilThere once was a man who lived in New York whose name was Joe. He had learned a trade from his father years ago, and he still practiced it, even in modern times. His father taught him all of the in's and out's of how to suck a boil clean of all it's nasty puss and other ingredients, and he prospered at this occupation, advertising in the Yellow Pages, getting referral business, and word of mouth (Yuck!) advertising.One day, Joe received a call from a woman who had heard of his talents. She told Joe that she had a rather large boil that was festered, and needed it taken care of. Joe assured her that it would be no problem, his standard fee was $50.00, and the deal seemed to be firm. The woman gave directions to her house and set up a time for Joe to perform his work.Upon arriving at the woman's house, he immediately started to work. He told the woman to expose the boil, and he would take care of it post haste.At this point, the woman told Joe that the boil was in extremely sensitive area of her body, about 1/4 inch below her vagina. Joe told her, "No problem, that will be another $20.00". She agreed, and then told Joe that there was another problem: She was in the middle of the heaviest part of her period. Joe told her, "No problem, that will be an additional $30.00".Again, she agreed, so Joe started to practice his trade.After about 10 minutes into sucking the boil dry, the woman couldn't help herself, and cut a tremendous fart. Joe, his mouth dripping with puss, pulled away from his task and asked "What are you doing, trying to make me sick?"*****Complaining to his wife because they were flat broke again, the guy said, "If your tit's would give milk, we wouldn't have to feed the cow. And if your cunt would lay eggs, we could sell the chickens!""Yeah," said his wife, "and if your cock would get hard, we could get rid of your brother!"If a Ram is a Sheep,And an Ass is a Donkey,Then how come a ram in the ass is a Goose?Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the localminister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, "My, FarmerPetrovich, you're certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn'tdo that to your wife, would you?" The farmer says, "I would if shefarted and jumped sideways every time I tried to mount her!"This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.The years when by and he continued to rip them out!Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts in.Some time later she heard her husband wake and let rip the usual trouser trumpet which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.He said, "you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.""What do you mean?" asked his wife."Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."-------------What do you get if you cross your wife with a pitbull?Your very last blowjob!Heaven is when you have barrels of beer and tons of girls.Hell is when you find out that the barrels have holes and the girls don't!</blockquote>

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