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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064100542" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">An Old Hooker</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A fifty year old hooker walked into a bar and stood next to a young</p><p>male customer who was having a boilermaker. "Hi. My name is Hot Mary,</p><p>and I've been hooking for decades. I'll bet I could teach a young stallion</p><p>like you some new tricks," she opened.</p><p>The man looked at her in disgust, noticing her fat ass, her sagging</p><p>tits, her hard and wrinkled face. "So, you think you could show me something</p><p>I've never seen before?"</p><p>"Yep. Watch." She lifted her leg over the stool next to him and sat</p><p>down on it. And promptly sank all the way down to the floor of the bar.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Q: Did you hear about the fag in biology class?</p><p>A: Why all the other students were dissecting frogs, he kept opening flies.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the primary difference between eating pussy and eating sushi?</p><p>A: The rice.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the difference between worry and panic?</p><p>A: Twenty-eight days.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the difference between a Polish woman and a Bigfoot?</p><p>A: One is 6 feet tall, dirty, hairy, and smelly, and the other just</p><p>has really big feet.</p><p></p><p>Q: Where do female airline pilots sit?</p><p>A: In the cuntpit.</p><p></p><p>Two whores were walking down the street when one said, "Hey! Do I</p><p>smell cock?"</p><p>"Nope," was the answer. "That's just my breath."</p><p>Q: Did you hear about the new jeans Calvin Klein designed for faggots?</p><p>A: They have kneepads in front and a zippered trapdoor on the ass.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?</p><p>A: Well, the hematologist pricks your finger...</p><p></p><p>Q: What did the queer masochist say when he entered the Western bar?</p><p>A: "I'll bet any man in this place can whip me."</p><p>Q: What do you call a faggot who has had a vasectomy?</p><p>A: A seedless fruit.</p><p></p><p>Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?</p><p>A: All he cared about was legs, breasts, and thighs.</p><p></p><p>Q: How can you tell if it's time to wash the dishes and clean the house?</p><p>A: Peer inside your pants...if you have a dick it isn't time.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">How Vibrators Are Better Than Men!</span></strong></p><p></p><p>`It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied.</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate</p><p></p><p>`A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating."</p><p></p><p>`They don't get tired after the first time</p><p></p><p>`You never have to lie to a vibrator by saying it was good or ... that you had an orgasm.</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV ... or Fishin'!</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries when it tires.</p><p></p><p>`Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!</p><p></p><p>`You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to!</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators don't hog the remote ... Nor the computer!!</p><p></p><p>`We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.</p><p></p><p>`Position is your choice, not his.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to suck it.</p><p></p><p>`It works "while" the sports games are on.</p><p></p><p>`It always is hard.</p><p></p><p>`It doesn't leave a mess behind.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.</p><p></p><p>`It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.</p><p></p><p>`It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it the next morning.</p><p></p><p>`They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.</p><p></p><p>`They never drink too much and embarrass you.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to tell the vibrator he's the best you ever had!</p><p></p><p>`Safe sex without a rubber</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators don't ask who your Daddy is</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times!</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!!</p><p></p><p>`They never ask how they were.</p><p></p><p>`They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.</p><p></p><p>`You don't have to stroke its ego.</p><p></p><p>`They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go.</p><p></p><p>`It doesn't leave a wet spot.</p><p></p><p>`You can carry it with you at all times, and not feel obligated to feed it.</p><p></p><p>`It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard</p><p></p><p>`It has no problem finding the "g spot."</p><p></p><p>`You know exactly where its been.</p><p></p><p>`Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Vacuum Cleaner</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.</p><p></p><p>Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'</p><p></p><p>'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.</p><p></p><p>Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.</p><p></p><p>'Don't be too hasty!' he said.</p><p></p><p>'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.</p><p></p><p>'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.</p><p></p><p>What part of broke do you not understand?'</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________ _________ _________ __</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man with no arms and no legs was sitting on a blanket at the beach.</p><p></p><p>Three women were walking past and felt really sorry for the poor man.</p><p></p><p>The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'</p><p></p><p>The man said 'No,' so she gave him a big hug and walked on.</p><p></p><p>The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'</p><p>The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.</p><p></p><p>The third woman (a divorcee) came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f*****d?'</p><p></p><p>The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'</p><p></p><p>She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'</p><p></p><p>Dream Catcher/Western</p><p>There was a young girl from Wick</p><p>Who said "mother what is a dick" ?</p><p>She said "my dear Annie"</p><p>It goes in your fanny</p><p>& jumps up and down till its sick</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________ _________ _________ __</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a young girl in Berlin</p><p>Who ecked out a living through sin.</p><p>She didn't mind fucking,</p><p>But much preferred sucking,</p><p>And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________ _________ _________ __</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"></span></strong></p><p>There was a young girl who begat</p><p>Three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat.</p><p>T'was fun in the breeding</p><p>But hell in the feeding</p><p>When she found there's no tit for Tat</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064100542, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]An Old Hooker[/COLOR][/B] A fifty year old hooker walked into a bar and stood next to a young male customer who was having a boilermaker. "Hi. My name is Hot Mary, and I've been hooking for decades. I'll bet I could teach a young stallion like you some new tricks," she opened. The man looked at her in disgust, noticing her fat ass, her sagging tits, her hard and wrinkled face. "So, you think you could show me something I've never seen before?" "Yep. Watch." She lifted her leg over the stool next to him and sat down on it. And promptly sank all the way down to the floor of the bar. Q: Did you hear about the fag in biology class? A: Why all the other students were dissecting frogs, he kept opening flies. Q: What is the primary difference between eating pussy and eating sushi? A: The rice. Q: What is the difference between worry and panic? A: Twenty-eight days. Q: What is the difference between a Polish woman and a Bigfoot? A: One is 6 feet tall, dirty, hairy, and smelly, and the other just has really big feet. Q: Where do female airline pilots sit? A: In the cuntpit. Two whores were walking down the street when one said, "Hey! Do I smell cock?" "Nope," was the answer. "That's just my breath." Q: Did you hear about the new jeans Calvin Klein designed for faggots? A: They have kneepads in front and a zippered trapdoor on the ass. Q: What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist? A: Well, the hematologist pricks your finger... Q: What did the queer masochist say when he entered the Western bar? A: "I'll bet any man in this place can whip me." Q: What do you call a faggot who has had a vasectomy? A: A seedless fruit. Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? A: All he cared about was legs, breasts, and thighs. Q: How can you tell if it's time to wash the dishes and clean the house? A: Peer inside your pants...if you have a dick it isn't time. [B][COLOR="Teal"]How Vibrators Are Better Than Men![/COLOR][/B] `It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied. `Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate `A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating." `They don't get tired after the first time `You never have to lie to a vibrator by saying it was good or ... that you had an orgasm. `Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV ... or Fishin'! `Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries when it tires. `Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!! `You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to! `Vibrators don't hog the remote ... Nor the computer!! `We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut. `Position is your choice, not his. `You don't have to suck it. `It works "while" the sports games are on. `It always is hard. `It doesn't leave a mess behind. `You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it. `It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs. `It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards. `You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home. `You don't have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it the next morning. `They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood. `They never drink too much and embarrass you. `You don't have to tell the vibrator he's the best you ever had! `Safe sex without a rubber `Vibrators don't ask who your Daddy is `Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times! `Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!! `They never ask how they were. `They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you. `You don't have to stroke its ego. `They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go. `It doesn't leave a wet spot. `You can carry it with you at all times, and not feel obligated to feed it. `It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard `It has no problem finding the "g spot." `You know exactly where its been. `Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed. [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Vacuum Cleaner[/COLOR][/B] Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet. 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?' [B][COLOR="Red"]____________ _________ _________ __[/COLOR][/B] A man with no arms and no legs was sitting on a blanket at the beach. Three women were walking past and felt really sorry for the poor man. The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a big hug and walked on. The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman (a divorcee) came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f*****d?' The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.' She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.' Dream Catcher/Western There was a young girl from Wick Who said "mother what is a dick" ? She said "my dear Annie" It goes in your fanny & jumps up and down till its sick [B][COLOR="Red"]____________ _________ _________ __[/COLOR][/B] There was a young girl in Berlin Who ecked out a living through sin. She didn't mind fucking, But much preferred sucking, And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin. [B][COLOR="Red"]____________ _________ _________ __ [/COLOR][/B] There was a young girl who begat Three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat. T'was fun in the breeding But hell in the feeding When she found there's no tit for Tat [/QUOTE]
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