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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064095577" data-attributes="member: 14320">Two pedophiles were walking down the street one day when they came across a pair of small lacey knickers on the ground. The first one picks them up, smells them and goes, "Aahhh... A seven-year-old girl." The other grabs them from him and also takes a smell and goes, "No, no ... Definitely an eight-year-old girl!" The two of them are them smelling them in turns and arguing. "An eight-year-old!", "No, a seven-year-old!", "Definitely an eight-year-old!" .... and so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about.The first pedophile tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument, so the priest takes the knickers, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says: "Definitely an eight-year-old girl! ......... but not from my parish!"99999Q: How do you find a fat girl’s cunt?A: You flip through the folds until you smell shit, And then go back one.Q: How do you fuck a fat girl?A: Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.Q: Why are faggots so generous?A: They don't know how to be tight-arsed.Q: Why did the guy sleep with his sister in-law?A: He had it in for his brother.The Answer: A Cockrobin.The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?99999The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, 'Daddy fell into the well last week...' 'My goodness!' the teacher exclaimed. 'Is he all right?' 'He must be,' said the boy. 'He stopped yelling for help yesterday.'99999This husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, 'I gotta have you!'He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and nailed her.When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked, 'What's wrong honey? Didn't you come? Do you want more?'His wife said, 'No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my asshole!'Confessional BoxA guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".nnnnnSitting in a pub, a guy spotted a dog laying on the floor next to him. "Does your dog bite?" he asked the man sitting next to him. "no" he replied. After nearly having his arm bitten clean off, he said to the man sitting next to him "You cunt you said your dog doesn't bite"! To which the man replied "It doesn't, that's not my fucking dog".nnnnnWhat's the difference between a dog and a fox....About 2 lines of coke and a few drinks.nnnnnWife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?Husband: A lovely Push...!!!nnnnnWife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.nnnnnDoctor: Your husband needs rest and peace.. Here are some sleeping pills.Wife: When must I give them to him?Doctor: They are for younnnnnWife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday.nnnnnHusband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For EvernnnnnMy vibrator; which brings me heaven,Rabbit be thy name.You make me cum, you bring such fun,- Or is it heaven?Give me this day; my daily thrill,And forgive me my screams,As I forgive those who sold me dud batteries.Lead me straight into temptation.Deliver me from frustration.For thine is the vibrator,...The power and rotation.Forever and ever.AMENCuckoo ClockThe other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.Around 3 a.m, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed...another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."________A little boy walks into his parents ' room to see his mom on top ofhis dad bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quicklydismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quicklyand goes to find him.The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy andsometimes I have to get on top of it and help flat...ten it.""Your wasting your time," said the boy."Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled."Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets onher knees and blows it right back up.</blockquote>

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