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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064094055" data-attributes="member: 14320">Standing At The UrinalDarrell was standing at a urinal in a bar bathroom when thisenormous guys walks in, unzips his pants and exposes the biggestdick in the world -- four feet long, five inches thick and violentlyred and angry.The monster looks at Darrell, grabs his huge dick with both hands,like holding a baseball bat, and gives it an almighty swing,smashing the porcelain sink to pieces!He growls and leers at the now frightened Darrell, looks around andwith another almighty swing, smashes the condom vending machineright off the wall!After another hideous growl he slams his huge dick against the sideof the urinal several times, bending the stainless steel intocontorted shapes!All of a sudden he stops, looks Darrell straight in the eye andshouts, "The next place this porcelain smashing, vender bending,urinal destroyer is going... is up your ass buddy!"With that, Darrell lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Thank Godfor that, I thought you were going to HIT me with it."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An acquaintance of my dear friendPut a rodent into his hind end.Though you might think it queerHe was one Ricky Gere,And he loves to feel that f*cker squirm in his arse.There once was a man from HavanaScrewed a girl on a player pianoAt the height of their feverHer ass hit the leverAnd Yes he has no banana...Confucious Says Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister? An only child. A Few Quiet BeersThe other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself.The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.5'9' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top.I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer.No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.She said ' Hi ', and I said ' Hi' in return.She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.'So, does that make you feel good ?' she asked.'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.''Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top.Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast. 'How do you feel now,' she purred.'OK' I replied.Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!' Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, re-gathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and........ '" Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt.My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet !!!! She snapped, 'Well tell me this, Smart Ass : Have you ever felt such a cunt?''I certainly have' I answered, 'I missed the kick.'ConfessionA farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years andtells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig eversince his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continuedoing it and whether the pig is a male or female."No! I'm not doing itanymore!"says the farmer. "And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell doyou think I am a freakin queer?=====A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and was starting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while there starting eyeing the bag boy.On the way out to the car she decided to make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered," You know, I've got an itchy pussy...."The boy replied, "Well you're gonna have to point it out, ma'am, all those Japanese cars look alike to me!"=====How is a blonde like a frying pan?You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?A wine and cheese party!=====Three drunks are in a bar. First one says, "I'm the bravest in here."His friends say, "Prove it."He puts his hand on the bar and tells the bartender cut it off. Whack!Off comes the hand.The second man walks to bar. Yells out cut off my arm. Whack! Off comesthe arm.The third man walks to bar, stands on a stool, pulls out his penis. Thebartender asks, "Do you want me to cut it off?""NO!" yells the man. "Just rub it it'll come off itself."</blockquote>