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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064089091" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">More Things A Man Will Never Say:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>* I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.</p><p>* I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.</p><p>* Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.</p><p>* I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are</p><p>open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.</p><p>* No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.</p><p>* Better get ride of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't</p><p>look at them anymore.</p><p>* I understand.</p><p>* This movie has too much nudity.</p><p>* Damn, we're late for church.</p><p>* No. I don't want to see your sister's tits.</p><p>* Put some panties on, for Christ's sake!</p><p>* Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A construction worker comes home one day to find his wife in bed</p><p>with another man.</p><p></p><p>Seeing this, he gets pissed, grabs the man by his package, and</p><p>takes him to the garage, where he puts the mans stuff in a vice,</p><p>and cranks it down hard and takes off the handle. After he does</p><p>this, he grabs a saw.</p><p></p><p>The other guy says "You're not gonna cut it off, are you?"</p><p></p><p>The construction worker says, "No, you are. I'm gonna set the</p><p>garage on fire."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Cow Snatch</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000"</p><p>He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman.</p><p>Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">============</span></strong></p><p>Q. What part of Popeye doesn't rust?</p><p>A. The part he dips in Olive Oyl.</p><p></p><p>Q: What should a woman say as she guides her lover's tongue toward</p><p>her clitoris?</p><p>A: This bud's for you!</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?</p><p>A: They go forwards, backwards, forwards, and backwards, stop and eject!</p><p></p><p>Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?</p><p>A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?</p><p>A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!</p><p></p><p>Q. What do you call a female clone?</p><p>A. A clunt.</p><p></p><p>Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't??</p><p>A: A navel.</p><p></p><p>Q. What does a rattle snake and condom with a hole in it have in common</p><p>A. You don't fuck with either one of them. ?</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">============</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, "Where do you live?".</p><p>Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, "Hello, I've brought your husband home."</p><p>The wife looks at the man and asks, "Where's his wheel chair?" </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Word Play</span></strong></p><p></p><p>What Single really Mean</p><p>Stay</p><p>Intaxicated</p><p>Nightly</p><p>Get</p><p>Laid</p><p>Everday</p><p>Buffalo Bills</p><p>Boy</p><p>I</p><p>Love</p><p>Losing</p><p>Superbowls</p><p>Me and Tim Meet these three Girls from Mali, I Bucked one, Tim Buck two</p><p>Smog test in Los Angeles; UCLA</p><p></p><p>GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters : HE BUGS GORE</p><p>DORMITORY : : DIRTY ROOM</p><p>EVANGELIST : : EVIL'S AGENT</p><p>PRESBYTERIAN : : BEST IN PRAYER</p><p>DESPERATION : : A ROPE ENDS IT</p><p>THE MORSE CODE : : HERE COME DOTS</p><p>SLOT MACHINES : : CASH LOST IN ME</p><p>ANIMOSITY : : IS NO AMITY</p><p>MOTHER-IN-LAW : : WOMAN HITLER</p><p>SNOOZE ALARMS : : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S</p><p>A DECIMAL POINT : : I ' M A DOT IN PLACE</p><p>THE EARTHQUAKES : : THAT QUEER SHAKE</p><p>ELEVEN PLUS TWO : : TWELVE PLUS ONE</p><p>And for the! Grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS</p><p>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word ... he knew better.</p><p></p><p>Q) How many Women does it takes to change a light bulb?</p><p>A) 11, 10 to form a support group, and one to get her boyfriend to do it.</p><p>Q)How many female activist does it take to change a light bulb?</p><p>A)2, One to do it, and one to bitch about it.</p><p>Q)Whats warm and soft, when you go to bed, and hard, and stiff in the morning</p><p>A)Vomit</p><p>Q)What kind of file do you use to make a small hole larger</p><p>A)A Pedophile</p><p>Q)Why did the guy buy his wife, a coat and a dildo for her birthday?</p><p>A)He figured if she dont like coat, she could go fuck herself</p><p></p><p>In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up, she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above.</p><p>"For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell out of the fish now?!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064089091, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]More Things A Man Will Never Say:[/COLOR][/B] * I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss. * I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist. * Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again. * I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her. * No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn. * Better get ride of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't look at them anymore. * I understand. * This movie has too much nudity. * Damn, we're late for church. * No. I don't want to see your sister's tits. * Put some panties on, for Christ's sake! * Damn these onions, pass me a tissue. A construction worker comes home one day to find his wife in bed with another man. Seeing this, he gets pissed, grabs the man by his package, and takes him to the garage, where he puts the mans stuff in a vice, and cranks it down hard and takes off the handle. After he does this, he grabs a saw. The other guy says "You're not gonna cut it off, are you?" The construction worker says, "No, you are. I'm gonna set the garage on fire." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Cow Snatch[/COLOR][/B] Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000" He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit." [B][COLOR="Red"]============[/COLOR][/B] Q. What part of Popeye doesn't rust? A. The part he dips in Olive Oyl. Q: What should a woman say as she guides her lover's tongue toward her clitoris? A: This bud's for you! Q: What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man? A: They go forwards, backwards, forwards, and backwards, stop and eject! Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion? A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks. Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME! Q. What do you call a female clone? A. A clunt. Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?? A: A navel. Q. What does a rattle snake and condom with a hole in it have in common A. You don't fuck with either one of them. ? [B][COLOR="Red"]============[/COLOR][/B] A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, "Where do you live?". Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, "Hello, I've brought your husband home." The wife looks at the man and asks, "Where's his wheel chair?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Word Play[/COLOR][/B] What Single really Mean Stay Intaxicated Nightly Get Laid Everday Buffalo Bills Boy I Love Losing Superbowls Me and Tim Meet these three Girls from Mali, I Bucked one, Tim Buck two Smog test in Los Angeles; UCLA GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters : HE BUGS GORE DORMITORY : : DIRTY ROOM EVANGELIST : : EVIL'S AGENT PRESBYTERIAN : : BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION : : A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE : : HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES : : CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY : : IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW : : WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS : : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT : : I ' M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES : : THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO : : TWELVE PLUS ONE And for the! Grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word ... he knew better. Q) How many Women does it takes to change a light bulb? A) 11, 10 to form a support group, and one to get her boyfriend to do it. Q)How many female activist does it take to change a light bulb? A)2, One to do it, and one to bitch about it. Q)Whats warm and soft, when you go to bed, and hard, and stiff in the morning A)Vomit Q)What kind of file do you use to make a small hole larger A)A Pedophile Q)Why did the guy buy his wife, a coat and a dildo for her birthday? A)He figured if she dont like coat, she could go fuck herself In the time before time, Adam and Eve had sex for first time ever. After their lustful act was over, Eve went to the stream to clean herself up. As she is washing up, she hears a big booming voice coming from Heavens above. "For God's sake Eve, how am I going to get that smell out of the fish now?!" [/QUOTE]
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