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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064075119" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Unmistakable Signs You Are Gay</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.</p><p></p><p>2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.</p><p></p><p>3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.</p><p></p><p>4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.</p><p></p><p>5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.</p><p></p><p>6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NHL, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!</p><p></p><p>7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone.</p><p></p><p>8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware...or keep that shit to yourself, you flamming faggot!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">How Dogs And Men Are The Same:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Both take up too much space on the bed.</p><p>2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.</p><p>3. Both mark their territory.</p><p>... 4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.</p><p>5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous</p><p>6. Neither understands what you see in cats.</p><p>7. Neither does any dishes.</p><p>8. Both break wind shamelessly.</p><p>9. Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.</p><p>10. Both like dominance games.</p><p>11. Both are suspicious of the postman.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Snow White and the seven dwarves were returning home to their cottage one night after a day down the mine when Dopey walked up to Snow White and asked her, "Are there any midget nuns in this forest?" Amidst much giggling from the other dwarves, Snow White replied, "No, Dopey. There are no midget nuns in this forest."</p><p>A bit further down the track, Dopey asks with a hint more desperation in his voice, "Are there any midget nuns in this country?" Again, Snow White replied to the negative amidst much laughter emanating from the direction of the other dwarves. Almost back to the cottage, Dopey is starting to look really upset, so he strides up to Snow White and demands, "Are there any midget nuns on the whole planet?" Before Snow White could reply, the other dwarves broke down completely and started chanting, "Dopey Fucked A Penguin, Dopey Fucked A Penguin!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two Blondes and a Sod Truck...</p><p></p><p>Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when</p><p>a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.</p><p>"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"</p><p>... announced Blonde #1.</p><p>"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.</p><p>"Send my lawn out to be mowed</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064075119, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Unmistakable Signs You Are Gay[/COLOR][/B] 1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too. 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NHL, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious! 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone. 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware...or keep that shit to yourself, you flamming faggot! [B][COLOR="Teal"]How Dogs And Men Are The Same:[/COLOR][/B] 1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both mark their territory. ... 4. Neither tells you what's bothering them. 5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous 6. Neither understands what you see in cats. 7. Neither does any dishes. 8. Both break wind shamelessly. 9. Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut. 10. Both like dominance games. 11. Both are suspicious of the postman. [B][COLOR="Red"]_____________[/COLOR][/B] Snow White and the seven dwarves were returning home to their cottage one night after a day down the mine when Dopey walked up to Snow White and asked her, "Are there any midget nuns in this forest?" Amidst much giggling from the other dwarves, Snow White replied, "No, Dopey. There are no midget nuns in this forest." A bit further down the track, Dopey asks with a hint more desperation in his voice, "Are there any midget nuns in this country?" Again, Snow White replied to the negative amidst much laughter emanating from the direction of the other dwarves. Almost back to the cottage, Dopey is starting to look really upset, so he strides up to Snow White and demands, "Are there any midget nuns on the whole planet?" Before Snow White could reply, the other dwarves broke down completely and started chanting, "Dopey Fucked A Penguin, Dopey Fucked A Penguin!" [B][COLOR="Red"]_____________[/COLOR][/B] Two Blondes and a Sod Truck... Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," ... announced Blonde #1. "Do what?" asked Blonde #2. "Send my lawn out to be mowed [/QUOTE]
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