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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064037110" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">If God Was A Woman....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Sex would smell like chocolate</p><p>2. Farts would smell like roses</p><p>3. Dogs would smell spring fresh</p><p>4. Babies would come from vending machines</p><p>5. Men would be born with a permanent erection</p><p>6. All women would have the same size breasts</p><p>7. There would be no cellulite</p><p>8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE</p><p>9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch</p><p>10. There would be no "Hooters"</p><p>11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife</p><p>12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in</p><p>Hawaii!</p><p>13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle</p><p>14. Men would come with software to be custom designed</p><p>15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by</p><p>wife</p><p>16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant</p><p>verification of truth</p><p>17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the</p><p>difference between six inches and three inches</p><p>18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds</p><p>19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the</p><p>cheek</p><p>20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A very homely young woman made an appointment with the psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"</p><p>"I'm sure I can," said the doctor, "Just go over and lie face down on that couch!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">---------</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Doc, you gotta help me!" said the man to his doctor, "I eat apples, and whole apples come out. I eat bananas and whole bananas come out. What can I do?"</p><p>"Simple," replied the doc, "Eat Shit!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">---------</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Psycho pick-up lines...</p><p></p><p>*Wanna swap meds?</p><p>*Can I buy you a spatula?</p><p>*Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils?</p><p>*Your crawlspace or mine?</p><p>*You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters.</p><p>*May I lick your forehead?</p><p>*Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?</p><p>*Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.</p><p>*What's your favorite flavor of wood?</p><p>*You've stolen my heart, but that's okay because I have</p><p>three more back home in the freezer!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064037110, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]If God Was A Woman....[/COLOR][/B] 1. Sex would smell like chocolate 2. Farts would smell like roses 3. Dogs would smell spring fresh 4. Babies would come from vending machines 5. Men would be born with a permanent erection 6. All women would have the same size breasts 7. There would be no cellulite 8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE 9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch 10. There would be no "Hooters" 11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife 12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii! 13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle 14. Men would come with software to be custom designed 15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife 16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth 17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches 18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds 19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek 20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug. A very homely young woman made an appointment with the psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can," said the doctor, "Just go over and lie face down on that couch!" [B][COLOR="Red"]---------[/COLOR][/B] "Doc, you gotta help me!" said the man to his doctor, "I eat apples, and whole apples come out. I eat bananas and whole bananas come out. What can I do?" "Simple," replied the doc, "Eat Shit!" [B][COLOR="Red"]---------[/COLOR][/B] Psycho pick-up lines... *Wanna swap meds? *Can I buy you a spatula? *Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils? *Your crawlspace or mine? *You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters. *May I lick your forehead? *Do you always wear your shoes over your socks? *Smeep. Smeep. Smeep. *What's your favorite flavor of wood? *You've stolen my heart, but that's okay because I have three more back home in the freezer! [/QUOTE]
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