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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064037110" data-attributes="member: 14320">If God Was A Woman....1. Sex would smell like chocolate2. Farts would smell like roses3. Dogs would smell spring fresh4. Babies would come from vending machines5. Men would be born with a permanent erection6. All women would have the same size breasts7. There would be no cellulite8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch10. There would be no "Hooters"11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation inHawaii!13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle14. Men would come with software to be custom designed15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location bywife16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instantverification of truth17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell thedifference between six inches and three inches18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on thecheek20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.A very homely young woman made an appointment with the psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?""I'm sure I can," said the doctor, "Just go over and lie face down on that couch!"---------"Doc, you gotta help me!" said the man to his doctor, "I eat apples, and whole apples come out. I eat bananas and whole bananas come out. What can I do?""Simple," replied the doc, "Eat Shit!"---------Psycho pick-up lines...*Wanna swap meds?*Can I buy you a spatula?*Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils?*Your crawlspace or mine?*You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters.*May I lick your forehead?*Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?*Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.*What's your favorite flavor of wood?*You've stolen my heart, but that's okay because I havethree more back home in the freezer!</blockquote>

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