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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064034750" data-attributes="member: 14320">Ahhhhh, The Married LifeA couple had only been married for two weeks the husband, althoughvery much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party withhis old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be rightback."Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife."I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."His wife said, "You want a beer, my lover?" She opened the door tothe refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he couldthink of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... you know....they have frozen glasses...."He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interruptedhim by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a hugebeer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills justholding it.The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at thebar the have those hors d'oeuvre that are really delicious..I won't belong. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?""You want hors d'oeuvre, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and tookout 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvre: chicken wings, pigs inblankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips."But my sweet honey.... at the bar.... you know there's swearing,dirty words and all that...""You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT YOURASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER-FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNEDBAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"....and, they lived happily ever after.jjjDid you hear about the junkie who was found dead in an alley with shit in his veins?He'd been shooting craps!What's the difference between a friend and a real friend?A friend will help you move. A real friend will help you move a body!What did the necrophiliac pedophile say when he couldn't come into work?"I'm sorry I'm feeling a little stiff!"Did you hear about the homosexual undertaker?He called his mates around to suck on a few cold ones!Did you hear about the dead blonde they found in a lake?It has police stumped because it has the body parts of both genders. A vagina and a brain!jjjThe other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes."Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So, I tied her up and went fishing.jjj"I'm getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend, Bill. "The wife hasn't spoken with me for six months."Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you're doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find."</blockquote>

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