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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064017905" data-attributes="member: 14320">Dad will never sayTop Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.----------------Fathers day jokes and one linersDad Wisdom: Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.Dad Wisdom: Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree!Dad Wisdom: Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.Dad Wisdom: Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?Dad Wisdom: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.Dad Wisdom: Half the people you know are below average.Dad Wisdom: I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can’t be blamed on somebody else.Dad Wisdom: I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.Dad Wisdom: I finally got my head together and then my body fell apart.Dad Wisdom: I never start something that I am not going to fiDad Wisdom: I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done already.Dad Wisdom: Looking for a helping hand? There’s one on your arm.Dad Wisdom: Love is grand. Divorce is 20 grand.Dad Wisdom: Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.Dad Wisdom: Old age comes at a bad time.A father carries pictures where his money used to be.You’re old when you don’t care where your wife goes, Just so you don’t have to go along.Father’s Day brings out my paternal instincts. An hour of babysitting takes them away.You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Ask him for advice.Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Clean out the garage for him.Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Tell him you love him a whole hardware-store-full.Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Ask him to autograph a baseball.Dad’s still say: Because I said so.Dad’s still say: Go ask your mother.Dad’s still say: Don’t make me stop this car!Dad’s still say: Were you raised in a barn?Dad’s still say: You don’t know what hardwork is.Dad’s still say: It builds character.Dad’s still say: Money doesn’t grow on trees.Dad’s still say: A little bit of dirt never killed anyone.Dad’s still say: When I was your age…Dad’s still say: Your grounded till you’re 30!Show your dad you really appreciate all the things he’s done. Lend him the keys to your car.The perfect Father’s Day gift? Take Mom on vacation with you.I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.My dad’s not real affectionate. The last time he hugged me I think it was called a “half-Nelson.”Father’s Day always worries me. I’m afraid I’ll get a gift I can’t afford.Nowadays, Father’s Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: I’m lost. Let’s stop & get directions.Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO WILD!!Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: Mom & I are going away for the weekend. Would you like to throw a party?Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: No. I have no idea what’s wrong with your car.Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: You don’t need a job! I have plenty of money for you to spend.In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.Today, it’s the size of his minivan.</blockquote>

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