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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063996591" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bowling NightDave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a bud at the end of the first nine, honey.A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi ! Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A ladycashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."This is not a phrase we men normally use so he went on his waylooking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a mancame up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finishedhis shopping.He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the ladywas who told him about his "barracks door." He was planning tohave a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said,"When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldierstanding in there at attention?"The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no. I didn't. All Isaw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags!!!Funny Sexual PositionsAll The Sexual Positions That You Can Try With Your Special Someone Tonight!Dirty Elvis: Is making the bitch look like a dirty Mexican not enough? Well, thank God for the King. Start to give the woman the Dirty Sanchez, but instead of wiping your shit finger on her upper lip, you give her some nice long Elvis sideburns. If your lucky she'll O.D. on the toilet and you won't have to call her.Double Whammy: Very simple and funny position. All you do in donkey punch the bitch INTO a table time. Easy, and you can check off two sex positions at once.People's Pussy: When you've got some stank bitch from behind and the nasty pussy smell starts creeping up to your nose, shout out at the top of your lungs, "CAN YOU SMELLLLLLL what my COCK is fuckin'" Then answer your own question with a resounding, "YES!" and drop a sharp elbow on her chest. As she looks up at you in dismay, be sure to give her the people's eyebrow.Spartan War Helmet: Your laying the bitch down, giving her a tea bag to warm up the sack, and what do you know, Athens is attacking, and she has to go to war. Now, be a nice guy and help her with her helmet by flopping your nuts over her eyes, and slapping your dick right down her nose. Now she's ready for battle.Starry Eyed Surprise: This is when your girl is sucking on your nuts and right before you blow your load you tell her to look up at the beautiful stars, and when she does, bust a nut in her eye and yell "starry eyed surprise!"Carbonated Cum (CGSB): The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect.Aztec: It's called the Aztec because it will only be done in a drug induced cracked out prophetic haze. A dick in the stink, six fingers in the pink, and three fingers in your own ass. Although it's never known to have been performed, hopefully it will catch on.Wrecking Ball: Do your girl from behind while standing. While she's bent over, grab both of her wrists. Pick a nearby target, and swing that bitch's head into it like a wrecking ball.Hotdog in the Hallway: Jesus Shit, This thing here is like a throwing a hotdog in a hallway.Pumpkin Love: This is when you are fucking a girl who you hate, and you want to make her cry. After about 3 minutes of fucking, tell her to hop off the nuts, and then go fuck a pumpkin, cum in it, make her eat the insides of the pumpkin, and then break that fucker over her head. Hop off the nuts, thanks.Sandbag: When you are doing a girl on the beach, just before you raid her womb, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away giggling hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-naked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.Rusty Trombone: The nastiest instrument known to humanity. You get your girl to start corn holing you with her tongue, as she rims you, she gives you a reach around and starts to jerk you off. Play that tune, you sick fuck.</blockquote>

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