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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063915065" data-attributes="member: 14320">Top 10 Things Not To Say To Your Girlfriends Parents10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your daughter saidyou are.9. Wazzzaaaaap!8. The water in your toilet tastes funny.7.You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine at home.6. No... No... It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg.5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on her friend Joanne?4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and the midgetis Sam. Is Sally ready?3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out hear! Send the bitch out!2. You should be proud, Mr. AndMrs. Smith, you've raised a good girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say.And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your girlfriend'sparents for the first time:1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father.These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many,many years. First guy asks the second guy,"How have things been going?"The second guy, speaking very slowly tells the first guy,"I was almost married."The first guy says in amazement,"Hey, you don't stutter any more."The answer comes, "Yes, I went to a doctor andhe told me that if I speak slowly Iwill not stutter."The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about howhe was almost married."Well, my fiancee and I were sitting onher porch and the dog was scratching hisback and I told her that when we aremarried, she can do that for me. And thenshe threw the ring in my face.""Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks thefirst friend."Well, I speak so slowly, that by thetime she looked at the dog, he waslicking his balls!" Learn Chinese in 5 MinutesEnglish: He's cleaning his automobileChinese: Wa Shing KaEnglish: This is a tow away zoneChinese: No Pah KingEnglish: Is there a fugitive here?Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?English: Small HorseChinese: Tai Ni Po NiEnglish: Your price is too high!!!Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!English: Did you go to the beach?Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?English: I bumped into a coffee tableChinese: Ai Bang Mai NiEnglish: It's very dark in hereChinese: Wai So Dim?English: Has your flight been delayed?Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?English: I thought you were on a diet?Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?English: They have arrivedChinese: Hai Dei KumEnglish: Your body odor is offensiveChinese: Yu Stin Ki PuEnglish: You know lyrics to the Macarena?Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?English: I got this for freeChinese: Ai No PeiEnglish: Stay out of sightChinese: Lei LoEnglish: Phew! Does this bathroom stink!Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS WHEN.....A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment. Your children's school calls to surrender. The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. Your plants do better when you don't talk to them. All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists. Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection,plastic.You know you are in the wrong Church when:1. The church bus has gun racks.2. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.3. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."4. There's an ATM in the lobby.5. Choir wears leather robes.6. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."7. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.8. Karaoke Worship Time.9. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"10. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."</blockquote>