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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063905767" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">One Liners</span></strong></p><p></p><p>My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call.</p><p>(pause) He said, "Did I call you or did you call me?"</p><p></p><p>Define Transvestite:</p><p>A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!</p><p></p><p>Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?</p><p>Palm Sunday.</p><p></p><p>What's the ultimate in rejection?</p><p>When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.</p><p></p><p>Why don't debutantes go to orgies?</p><p>There'd be too many thank you notes to write.</p><p></p><p>There's no business like show business,</p><p>but there's no job like a blowjob.</p><p></p><p>What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?</p><p>They are both used as substitutes for meat.</p><p></p><p>What do you call kids born in whorehouses?</p><p>Brothel sprouts.</p><p></p><p>What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?</p><p>Two Mennonite!</p><p></p><p>Have you heard about that blind hooker?</p><p>You've gotta hand it to her!</p><p></p><p>What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?</p><p>The cold shoulder.</p><p></p><p>How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?</p><p>His hand caught fire.</p><p></p><p>Why is sex like a game of bridge?</p><p>If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.</p><p></p><p>What do a coffin and a condom have in common?</p><p>They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!</p><p></p><p>What do you call a ninety-year- old man who can still masturbate?</p><p>Miracle Whip.</p><p></p><p>What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?</p><p>Gladiator!</p><p></p><p>How is a woman like a condom?</p><p>Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.</p><p></p><p>What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?</p><p>By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.</p><p></p><p>Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?</p><p>Sperm is handmade.</p><p></p><p>What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?</p><p>Slow down and use a lubricant.</p><p></p><p>What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?</p><p>Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak.</p><p></p><p>Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?</p><p>He decided to stick it out for one more year!</p><p></p><p>When does a cub become a boy scout?</p><p>When he eats his first Brownie.</p><p></p><p>What is a Yankee?</p><p>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.</p><p></p><p>What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?</p><p>Sticks it in Olive Oyl.</p><p></p><p>What is the definition of wicker box?</p><p>It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.</p><p></p><p>A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.</p><p>That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.</p><p></p><p>What's "68"?</p><p>You do me and I owe you one.</p><p></p><p>What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?</p><p>Gagged!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063905767, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]One Liners[/COLOR][/B] My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call. (pause) He said, "Did I call you or did you call me?" Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary! Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday. What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank you notes to write. There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as substitutes for meat. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite! Have you heard about that blind hooker? You've gotta hand it to her! What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. Why is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner. What do a coffin and a condom have in common? They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other! What do you call a ninety-year- old man who can still masturbate? Miracle Whip. What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth? Gladiator! How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker. What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank? Sperm is handmade. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year! When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first Brownie. What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting? Sticks it in Olive Oyl. What is the definition of wicker box? It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna. A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst. What's "68"? You do me and I owe you one. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged! [/QUOTE]
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