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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063883769" data-attributes="member: 14320">Love In The Back SeatA guy and a girl on a date park the car and make love in the back seat.The girl wants it again and the guy obliges. She wants more still and sothe guy says, "Excuse me a minute. I have to relieve myself." While outof the car, he notices a guy changing a flat tire. He approaches the guyand say, "Look, I've got this gal in my car I've given it to her four orfive times already and she still wants more. I'll change your flat ifyou'll take over for me."The stranger walks back to the car and, beforehe can introduce himself, the girl is all over him. Sure enough, a copmonitoring the area notices the bouncing car. He knocks on the windowand shines a light on them. "What's going on in there?""I'm making love to my wife.""Why don't you do that at home?" asks the cop. "To tell you the truth, Ididn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her."A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila. The bartender asks, "Why so many buddy?" The man replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job". The bartender says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will give you one on the house for free." The man says, "No thank you, if the first 6 shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make a difference."A guy walks into a bar, puts his pet rabbit upon the mahogany, and starts drinking. While he is drinking, the rabbit starts doing little rabbit pellets on the bar.After awhile, he leaves, and another guy, a real loudmouth, walks in. He says," Hey bartender, give me a drink for me, for you, what do you say, there's nothing to do."He has a few drinks, and the whole time he's running his mouth, annoying the bartender.Finally, he spots the rabbit pellets. He says, "Hey bartender, what are these?"The bartender say's, "They are smart pills."The loud mouth replies, "Can I try a few?"The bartender says yes and the loudmouth starts popping a few into his mouth, chews for awhile, then spits them out and shouts, "Yuck! These taste like shit!"The bartender says, "Your getting smarter already!"Down at the pub a drunk was telling his drinking buddy, "I will never forget the first time I turned to drink as a substitute for women.""Yeah, what happened?" said his friend."I got my dick stuck in the bottle neck!" he answered.Taking A ShitTwo guys were on a long drive back from a fishing trip, when one turned to the other and said he needed to go to the bathroom. So they stopped the truck and he went behind the bushes. Then he came back and the other said "That was fast." "Well I need to take a shit but I've got nothing to wipe my ass with." The other answers, "That's easy just go on back, pull out a dollar, and wipe your ass with it." "O.K." he says as he goes back over to the bush. Later he comes back with a really upset look on his face and says "That was a terrible idea. Not only did I get SHIT all over my hands, I've got 4 Quarters Stuck up my ASS!"********A man at a nudist camp got a letter from his mother asking for a picture. Since the only pictures he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half and mailed her the part showing only from the waste up.His mom wrote back after receiving the photograph and said, "thanks for the picture. Can you grandma have one too?" The guy thought, since grandma can't see well, I'll just give her the bottom half, and he sent it. After getting her grandson's picture, she wrote to him and said, "nice picture, but your hairstyle sure makes you nose look long."********A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Your butt is as wide as the grill." She ignored his remark.A little later, the husband took his measuring tape and measured his wife's rear end while she was bending over working in a flower bed. "Geeze, honey, it IS as wide as the grill!" She again ignored his remark.Later that night, while in bed, the husband started to feel frisky. He rolled over to start something with his wife and she calmly rolled away from him saying, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, forget it!"]********An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemeterywith the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, shewhispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him andsaid, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common." The BrothelTwo eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across thestreet was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, goin,and eventually come out happy and smiling. One day they became curiousand decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looksdown at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, andtell her that they are curious as to what goes on inside. The Madam thinks for amoment, shrugs, and says, "Do you have 5 dollars?"Both boys dig deep into their pockets and come up with a total of 50cents.She says, "OK, that will have to do," as she proceeds to lift her skirtand pull down her panties. She tells both boys to take a sniff, which theydo.She closes the door and the kids proceed home. About halfway down theblock one boy turns to the other and says, "Ya knowJoey, I don't think I coulda stood 5 dollars worth of that."The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on hisbreath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that thereis a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock inthe morning?""There is," he replied. "Breakfast."Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters whowill be coming to school.""That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she saywhen u told her u are the only child?""She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"A Blonde's MessageA blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?""Yes, anything" the blonde promised.With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM, can you hear me???Bananas are better than Men because...You don't mind swallowing a banana.Bananas are always stiff.Bananas don't know how to fart.A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you.No one cares if you have two bananas in bed with you at the same time.Another woman will never try to steal your banana.Bananas can last the whole night through.Even the smallest bananas are at least eight inches long.A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June, and left me $10,000." said the friend. "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." The man looking concerned says, "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." The friend continues, "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!" "Then this month,..." continued, the friend, "Nothing! Not a single dime!"</blockquote>

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