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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063883251" data-attributes="member: 14320">Happy Valentine's Day!Valentine Slogans10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!**********On Valentine's Day a drunk young man walked up toan attractive girl and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personalquestion?""Yes, but I know you're going to ask eventually anyway, solet's get it over with.""Great. How many men have you had sex with?""That's my business!" she snapped."Cool! How much?"**********On Valentines Day, Paul is walking to hisgirls house one afternoon and passes a florist shop. On a whim he buysa big bunch of flowers for her. When he gets to her house he holds theflowers out to her. Instead to taking them she slides her panties offfrom under her skirt, lays back on the couch, spreads her legs and says"This is for the flowers." Paul looks at her and says " Oh comenow, surely you have a vase around here somewhere."I'll tell you a short poem;I'll try to make it quick.The subject is quite simple:The joy of having a dick.Penises are super things;You ladies should be jealous.An organ surrounded by sensitive skinThat's smooth and rarely hairless.It starts to grow dramatically,When you're about thirteen.Your testicles on either side;Your willy in between.It dangles neatly down below;Soft, obedient and loyal.At the slightest hint of lust,It's ready to uncoil.Handle it with love and care;For it can give great pleasure.Has it grown since last weekend?And when did you last measure?Some people fret about its size;They give it lots of thought.Is seven inches long enough?It makes guys quite distraught.They peek across in urinals,To compare and try to seeBut if another glances back at themThere's no way that they can peeWithout this fabulous organ,No shag would be complete.Lesbians will try their best;But must admit defeat.It has two main bodily functions,I'm sure you'll all agree,To start a whole new life,And of course, daily to pee.But I think the thing that's marvelous;About that one eyed bruteIs that when its trying to procreate,It knows which fluid to shoot.It remains with you;Until you're old and frail.Don't take it out in public though,Or you'll be thrown in jail.A guy goes into a bar and picks up a tall woman.After a night of drinking and dancing they go back to his place.She unzips his fly and starts playing with his dick."Wow," he says, "you really know how to handle a dick!""I should," she replies, "I used to have one." Geisha GirlOn a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last nighthaving wild sex with a Geisha Girl.Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green,festering sore growing on his Penis.He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orienttrip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong andthe only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided toget a second opinion.Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smithsaid "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away"Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit anoriental doctor.They must deal with this all the time. He went to Dr. Chu Wong.Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said "TheseAmadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop chop" Amputation not necesally.Joe was relieved. Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall offon its own.An elderly couple were sitting in the old folks home when the man turns to the woman next to him and say's, "How about a good old fashioned fuck?" The woman agrees and they go to his room.After they have a good fuck the guy turns to the woman and say's, "If I would have known that you were as tight as a virgin I would have asked you for sex ages ago."The woman replied, "And if I would have known that you could get such a big hard on I would have taken my tights off! Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear One Woman Say To Another Woman:1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mindkeeping my husband company while I go for a swim?2. Oh, look, that women and I have the same dress on! I thinkI'll go introduce myself!3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,and I'm happy for them both.4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.5. He makes more money than I do, so I broke up with him.6. I'm sick of ****** doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me tohelp him with the color choices!8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night ofsex and then just go his separate way for once?10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- mybutt is fat!Little JohnnyThe new school year started and the grade school teacher wanted somestudents to tell a brief story about summer vacation. Several studentseagerly raised their hands including Little Johnny. The teacher asked Aliceto tell a story."We took a trip to the Grand Canyon during vacation" Alice said. "We rodedonkeys down a steep trail to the bottom of the canyon, it was fun."The teacher asked for another volunteer, several students eagerly raisedtheir hands including little Johnny. She was afraid to call on littleJohnny because he swore a lot in last years classroom. The teacher choseFred to tell a story."My Dad and I went on a fishing trip way out in the country. We stopped ata small pond, I cast my lure into the pond and caught the biggest trout we'dever seen! We started a campfire and cooked the trout, it was great!" Fredreported."That nice Fred, now how about another volunteer". Several students werewaving their hands. The teacher felt sorry for Little Johnny and wanted togive him another chance. "My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We sawa huge 18 point buck in the field, my Dad aimed and shot it right in theasshole" Little Johnny said.The teacher was mad, "Johnny you mean rectum" she said."Wrecked 'im, you bet it wrecked 'im...shot his balls clean off."</blockquote>

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