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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063871456" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Morning After ...I finally woke up that morningLight was streaming, dawn was dawning.My head and tongue a fuzzy messAnd on the floor there lay a dress.So, gingerly, I felt acrossThe bed. I wondered, at a loss.Of course - the party - too much beerI can't remember getting here.Between my legs I was awareA nice erection standing there.I'd better try and have a lookAt who I hadn't meant to hook.I turn to face the dress's owner,Tight grip on my morning boner.I prayed that in my drunken staggerI hadn't bagged a true two-bagger*Thank God, I thought, she's not a slagNo need to wear a paper bag.A big girl though, there was no doubt.Her folds of skin went in and outAnd out and in and out and inYou'd never ever call her thin.But I'm no image of perfectionAnd anyway - there's my erection.So there she lay, within my reach,More ripples than a sandy beach.I shook her shoulder and woke 'erNeeding her conscious to poke 'erShe stretched, she yawned, she smiled at meMy red-hot cock pressed to her knee.She glanced down, giggled and she spoke"I can't eat that 'coz I might choke!Hang ten, big boy, as you're willing,I have a hole in need of filling."I didn't need a little "please?"Without delay I'm on my knees.She kneels before me on the bed,Her ass a foot above her head.And as I gaze, inside my mindI see a rhino from behind.But when I grip on to her hideI know I have to slip insideI give my cock a mighty thrustInto the object of my lust.I knew I'd take her breath awayBut hadn't guessed what she would say -"You've got it wrong you fucking clown -You should be fucking one hole down!"Christ, I hadn't meant to hit herUnfair and squarely in the shitter.Although it slid in well beforeOuch - not so easy to withdraw!But pretty soon I got it rightThe other tube not quite so tight.Her fat ass wobbled, I was braveAnd clinging on I rode the wave.She grunted, gasped and begged for moreI thrusted, slammed, called her a whoreI slapped her ass 'til it turned pink -Her pussy got a milky drink.I couldn't leave her up like thatI flipped her over, ate her cat.Well, let's just say that in the end,I made myself a fucking friend.A woman is in the hospital in a coma and the nurses are giving her a spongebath, and as they touched her private parts they noticed a slight response.They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy asthis sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out ofthe coma."The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close thecurtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees andgoes into his wife's room.After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines ..no pulse ... no heartrate.The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up hispants and says, "I think she choked."*****What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.*****There was a young man from St. Claire,Who made love to his wife on the stair.The banister broke,So he doubled the stroke.And finished it off in mid air.*****There was a young man named Dave,Who kept a dead whore in a cave.He said, "What the Hell... you getused to the smell, and look atthe money I save."*****How can you identify the Polack at a Cock fight?He's the one who brought the duck.How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?He's the one who bets on the duck.How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?If the duck wins,Condom SlogansTHE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEKFlying IntercomA plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean as the pilot isfinishing an announcement on the intercom. Putting the mike down, hehits the Off switch. Unbeknownst to him, the switchis malfunctioning and his conversation is broadcast into thepassenger area."Take over for awhile, Dave," the pilot says to his co-pilot. "I think I'll go take a shit and then bang that newstewardess."At this statement the passengers fly into a frenzy of conversationand gossip. The stewardess is greatly embarrassedand can no longer stay at her post, so she hurries toward thecockpit. But in her haste she trips and falls to her knees in theaisle. She happens to land next to a sweet little old lady, who turns tohelp her up. As she does, the lady says sweetly, "Don't rush, dearie; hesaid he had to take a shit first."What do you get when you cross a whore and a computer?A fucking know-it-all!~~What's a Polish cocktail?A glass of water with a booger in it.~~A Polish girl was stopped for speeding and hauled down tothe police station. The desk sergeant stood up, unzipped his fly,and the girl cried out, "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"~~First Jew: "Do you like pussy cats?"Second Jew: "Yes, I do, but Pussy Cohen is okay too!"~~Do you know what a gynecologist is?A spreader of old wives' tails.~~What's yellow and green and eats nuts?Answer: Gonorrhea!~~Question: What's 3 two-letter words that mean small?Answer: "Is it in?"~~While baking a cake one day, a Polish mother was asked by herlittle boy if he could lick the bowl. The mother said, "No, flush itlike everyone else does."~~A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling,this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."His wife is lying in bed and replies: "That's a sheep, you idiot."The man says: "I wasn't talking to you."</blockquote>

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