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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063831269" data-attributes="member: 14320">**Long Pause**"Hello?""Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?""No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.""Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on thetable, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to MommythatDaddy's car just pulled into the driveway.""Okay Daddy, just a minute."A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone."I did it Daddy.""And what happened honey?" he asked."Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ranaround screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on thedresser and now she isn't moving at all!""Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?""He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and hejumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess hedidn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit thebottom of the pool and I think he's dead"***Long Pause******Longer Pause***Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool, what swimming pool? Is this 937-2819?"A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl.She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked.The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected,"Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!""That's no ring... That's my watch!One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works."I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump."It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer.After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that?" asked the blonde."It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?""Yes," replied the officer."Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop."Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. It's..... inappropriate," exclaimed the cop."Trust me..... just do it," said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no ... not ANOTHER breathalyzer."HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE FROM THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KALIFORNIA1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing's and none of them are visible.2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on aconversation in English.4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and isnamed Flower.5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans aregrown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran andEthiopian.8. You can't remember.....is pot illegal?9. A really great parking place can totally move you to tears.10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.11.Un like back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseballcap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney, really is GeorgeClooney.12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.13. You can't remember....is pot illegal?14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every newsstation "Storm Watch"15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are allbusy with their cells or pagers.16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hourearly to avoid all the weather related accidents.17. Hey!!!!! is pot illegal?18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personaltrainers, and cosmetic surgeons.19. The Terminator is your governor.20 If you drive illegally, they take your driver's licence. If you'rehere illegally, they want to give you one.A little boy wakes up one night and walks into his parent’s bedroomwhile they're making love;the mother rises up in surprise and says "Oh honey you go back to bed now."And the little boy says "but I want to sleep with you tonight."The mother says,"No honey not tonight, you know that little brother or little sister you've always wanted?"The little boy say's "Yeah"The mother replies "well your daddy and I are making that for youand it'll be here in about 9 months, so you go back to bed now."The little boys say, "Oh Boy, O.K. I'll go back to bed.So the next day the father pulls up into the drivewayand sees the little boy sitting on the front porch just balling his eyes out.The father jumps out of the car and runs over to the little boy and asks,"What in the world is the matter son?"The little boy replies with sniffles and tears streaming down his face"Daddy you know that little brother or sisteryou and mommy were making for me last night?'The father replies "Yes son"The son screams "Well The Milkman Came and Ate It Up This Morning!!!"</blockquote>

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