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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063810826" data-attributes="member: 14320">Mike Is Dead!Two guys in a bar...One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!"" Wooo, what the hell happened to him?""Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when hearrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hitthe pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Wentflying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.""What a horrible way to die!""No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landedin my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on thefloor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the roomand reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's justdragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashingdown on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.""What a way to go, that's terrible!""No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get thewardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pullhimself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaksand he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the brokenbanister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.""Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!""No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on thedownstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to thekitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a bigpot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him andburned most of his skin off him.""Man, what a way to go!""No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the ground,covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pullhimself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch andpulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn'tmix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.""Now that is one awful way to go!""No no, he survived that, he ...""Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?""I shot him!""You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?""He was wrecking my fucking house."*~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans,would you know which bean made you FART?"Q's And A's~~Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.~~Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?She woke up with a kernel between her legs.~~A married couple had a wild passionate session one Saturday morning before breakfast. They were really into it, even performing oral sex on each other.I'm still trying to understand just why the husband went ballistic when his wife wanted to use his toothbrush after breakfast.Q: Why were lesbians created?A: So feminists couldn't reproduce!Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!Q. How do we know the Cinderella story was written by a woman?A. Because if it was written by a guy, the prince would have fucked her till 12 and then she would have turned into a pizza.Q) Did you hear about the inventive woman who wired up her vibrator to her bedside radio?A) She came up with the world's first radio alarm cock!~~What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?Odor eaters.MEN.....~~What's the difference between a man and a condom?Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive.~~What do UFO's and caring men have in common?You keep hearing about them but you never see any for yourself.~~Why is sex like a game of cards?Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.~~What's the difference between a man and a bottle of whisky?Whisky improves with age.~~Why does a man have a clear conscience?Because it is unused.~~What do you call a man who has suddenly lost 98 percent of his brain?Divorced.~~What are the three types of men?The handsome, the caring and the majority.~~What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.~~What is a man?A life-support machine for a penis.~~I wanna be first to kiss the bride, no me, no me........~~What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?Slow down.~~What do cheerleaders and tampons have in common?They're both stuck up bitches!~~What's the difference between the game of pool and a woman?With pool you put all the balls in the holes and the stick staysout, while with a woman you put the stick in and you leave the balls out.~~Define "proctologist. "A crack investigator.~~Define "bisexual."Someone who likes girls as well as the next guy.Q. What do blowjobs and flowers have in common?A. After the first year they are only given on special occasions.~~Success is just like being pregnant: Everybody congratulates you,but nobody knows how many times you were fucked to get pregnant. Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?~~What does a rooster have that a man wants?A hard pecker.Q. What does a man say after his third consecutive orgasm in one night?A. "What!? What!? Don't you guys believe me?"Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with a piranha?A: I don't know, but it's your last blowjob.</blockquote>