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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063798039" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal"> Old Folks</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Morris a ninety-year old man lived in a retirement home and got a</p><p>weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and</p><p>ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year old woman at the other end</p><p>of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a</p><p>drink.</p><p>As the evening progressed, Morris, the old man joined the lady and they</p><p>went to her apartment, where they got it on.</p><p>Two days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and</p><p>he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the</p><p>doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.</p><p>The old man said, "Sure did!"</p><p>The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she</p><p>lived.</p><p>"Yes,...but why?"</p><p>"Well you'd better get over there... you're about to cum."</p><p></p><p></p><p>A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left</p><p>her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses</p><p>bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a</p><p>window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a</p><p>while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.</p><p>Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten</p><p>her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to</p><p>tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more</p><p>brought</p><p>her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived</p><p>to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.</p><p>"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"</p><p>"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Anal Troubles</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An attractive lady is waiting in the emergency room. A doctor</p><p>walks in to her room and asks her "What is the problem ma'am?"</p><p>The lady replies,"Doctor, I have been having trouble with my</p><p>asshole, it hurts really bad."</p><p>The doctor tells the woman, "Why don't you lay on your stomach</p><p>so I can take a look at it, OK?" So, the woman turns over and</p><p>the doctor begins to examine her rear end. After a while, the</p><p>doctor asks the young lady, "Ma'am, have you had anal sex lately?"</p><p>The lady replies, "No, why?"</p><p>The doctor then says, "Would you like to?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in a blonde's house.</p><p>She picked up the phone and a man asked, "Is this</p><p>555-1111?"</p><p>"No, this is 555-1112." She replied.</p><p>"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The man said.</p><p>"That's alright," she said, "I had to get up to answer the phone</p><p>anyway."</p><p></p><p></p><p>"After 10 years of marriage sex with my wife is down to three times a year." </p><p>"Same here pal. " "As a matter of fact, if mine wouldn't sleep with her mouth open, I'd have none at all."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>Q. Why does a dog lick his ass?</p><p>A. Because he knows that in five minutes, he'll be</p><p>licking your face.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;</p><p>The next day I stopped smoking.</p><p></p><p>Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next</p><p>day I stopped eating red meat..</p><p></p><p>Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;</p><p>The next day I stopped drinking.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped</p><p>reading.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063798039, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"] Old Folks[/COLOR][/B] Morris a ninety-year old man lived in a retirement home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, Morris, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Two days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, "Sure did!" The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived. "Yes,...but why?" "Well you'd better get over there... you're about to cum." A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Anal Troubles[/COLOR][/B] An attractive lady is waiting in the emergency room. A doctor walks in to her room and asks her "What is the problem ma'am?" The lady replies,"Doctor, I have been having trouble with my asshole, it hurts really bad." The doctor tells the woman, "Why don't you lay on your stomach so I can take a look at it, OK?" So, the woman turns over and the doctor begins to examine her rear end. After a while, the doctor asks the young lady, "Ma'am, have you had anal sex lately?" The lady replies, "No, why?" The doctor then says, "Would you like to?" One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in a blonde's house. She picked up the phone and a man asked, "Is this 555-1111?" "No, this is 555-1112." She replied. "Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The man said. "That's alright," she said, "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway." "After 10 years of marriage sex with my wife is down to three times a year." "Same here pal. " "As a matter of fact, if mine wouldn't sleep with her mouth open, I'd have none at all." [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] Q. Why does a dog lick his ass? A. Because he knows that in five minutes, he'll be licking your face. Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat.. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped reading. [/QUOTE]
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