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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063790482" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Thirteen Year Old BoyA man notices his thirteen-year-old son has been walking around for a week with a hard-on in his pants, and figures the boy needs some relief. He gives the kid twenty dollars and says: "Take this to the whorehouse at the other end of town, and have some fun."Well, the whorehouse is a good hour walk each way, but the boy returns in only 45 minutes. The father says: "where were you?""Well," says the boy, "when I walked by Grandma's house she asked where I was going and I told her. She said, 'why don't you just come in here instead, and I'll do you for free.' So that's what I did."The father, outraged, screams: "Are you telling me you fucked my MOTHER?""What's the big deal," says the boy, "you fuck mine!"*********A girl goes to her doctor and as he's examining her, he says "those are terrible rug burns on your knees.""Yeah, doc," she says, "it's from doing it doggy style.""Don't you know any other sexual positions?""Sure, but my doggy don't."*********You know how your Mommy used to kiss you good night?Think about it . . . she might have just finished giving Daddy a blow job . . .Yo' mama's so fat that after I fucked her I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.A blonde goes into a bar and orders a beer."Anheuser-Busch?" asks the bartender."Fine, thanks. And how's your cock?"Q: What is a blonde's definition of a hijacker?A: A handjob on an airplane.Q: What do blonde's like so much about tilt steering wheels in cars?A: More head room.A guy walks into a bar and says, "Give me a triple Jack.""What's the occasion?" the bartender asks."I just became the father of twins.""Wow! I'll bet your wife is really excited!""She will be when she finds out."Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he canfind the perfect present!5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer youdon't want to hear.6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.7) Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discusssuch topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like everyother cat.9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.11) Shopping is not sport.12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.13) You have enough clothes.14) You have too many shoes.15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.16) Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad'sway past idiot.17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries ona calendar.19) Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range.We're bound to miss sometimes.20) Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd beany good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?21) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.23) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.25) Check your oil.26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.28) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.29) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Allcomments become null and void after 7 days.30) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us toact like soap opera guys.31) If something we said can be interpreted makes you sad and angry, wemeant the other one.32) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how prettyyou are?33) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.34) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want itdone-but not both.35) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say duringcommercials.36) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.37) Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right tocomplain about having their boobs stared at.38) Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.39) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makesyou look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from readingthe magazines.40) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two monthswe were going out.---------- Post added at 06:15 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 12:15 PM ----------Happy Thanksgiving!Things I Can Only Say This Week At Thanksgiving And Get Away With It1. Talk about a huge breast.2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.3. It's cool whip time.4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.7. Are you ready for seconds yet?8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.10. Don't play with your meat!11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.14. You still have a little bit on your chin.15. How long will it take after you stick it in?16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?20. Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce.21. Is that hole good and stuffed?22. Should I wrap that for you?23. I've done my part, now I just want to sleep.</blockquote>

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