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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063774081" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">9 Things I Hate About Everyone</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....</p><p>I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?</p><p>Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?</p><p></p><p>2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire</p><p>room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change</p><p>the channel manually.</p><p></p><p>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".</p><p>Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?</p><p></p><p>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it</p><p>is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?</p><p>Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!</p><p></p><p>5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser,</p><p>I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.</p><p></p><p>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me</p><p>a choice there, did ya sunshine?</p><p></p><p>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,</p><p>then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,</p><p>then there must have been something before it.</p><p></p><p>8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest</p><p>damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?</p><p></p><p>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone ! asks "Has the bus</p><p>come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?</p><p></p><p></p><p>One day an 80 year old man went to the chemist and asked for some viagra. "That's no problem," said the pharmacist, "how many do you want?</p><p>"Just a few," replied the old man, "but could you cut each one into four pieces please."</p><p>"That won't do you much good," said the chemist.</p><p>The old man looked at him sadly and said, "I am 80 years old, I am not interested in sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my feet!"</p><p></p><p></p><p>How do you make paper dolls?</p><p>Fuck an old bag!</p><p></p><p>What did the turd say to the arsehole?</p><p>"I don't ever want to go through that again!"</p><p></p><p>What's the definition of trust?</p><p>Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal"> 25 Signs That You Are Online Too Much...</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.</p><p>2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.</p><p>3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.</p><p>4. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can order pizza.</p><p>5. You bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the computer.</p><p>6. Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night.</p><p>7. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.</p><p>8. When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word "i" should be capitalized.</p><p>9. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.</p><p>10. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.</p><p>11. You stop speaking in full sentences.</p><p>12. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.</p><p>13. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.</p><p>14. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.</p><p>15. You double click your TV remote.</p><p>16. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.</p><p>17. You dream in "text".</p><p>18. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.</p><p>19. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.</p><p>20. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.</p><p>21. You type faster than you think.</p><p>22. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.</p><p>23 . When someone asks, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!"</p><p>24. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.</p><p>25. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A faggot hadn't had any sex for quite some time.</p><p></p><p>One night, he happened to run into a wino just outside of a gay bar.</p><p></p><p>He said to him,</p><p></p><p>"Look, I do not know you, and you don't know me, but if I can</p><p>have sex with you, I'll give you fifty bucks!"</p><p></p><p>The wino considered this proposition and said,</p><p></p><p>"Well---okay. But you ought to be forewarned that I have crabs."</p><p></p><p>"That's all right," said the faggot...</p><p>"I love seafood!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063774081, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]9 Things I Hate About Everyone[/COLOR][/B] 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass! 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone ! asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass? One day an 80 year old man went to the chemist and asked for some viagra. "That's no problem," said the pharmacist, "how many do you want? "Just a few," replied the old man, "but could you cut each one into four pieces please." "That won't do you much good," said the chemist. The old man looked at him sadly and said, "I am 80 years old, I am not interested in sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my feet!" How do you make paper dolls? Fuck an old bag! What did the turd say to the arsehole? "I don't ever want to go through that again!" What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob! [B][COLOR="Teal"] 25 Signs That You Are Online Too Much...[/COLOR][/B] 1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help. 2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud. 3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile. 4. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can order pizza. 5. You bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the computer. 6. Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night. 7. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you. 8. When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word "i" should be capitalized. 9. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand. 10. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo. 11. You stop speaking in full sentences. 12. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences. 13. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme. 14. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. 15. You double click your TV remote. 16. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking. 17. You dream in "text". 18. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own. 19. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are. 20. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time. 21. You type faster than you think. 22. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. 23 . When someone asks, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!" 24. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it. 25. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it A faggot hadn't had any sex for quite some time. One night, he happened to run into a wino just outside of a gay bar. He said to him, "Look, I do not know you, and you don't know me, but if I can have sex with you, I'll give you fifty bucks!" The wino considered this proposition and said, "Well---okay. But you ought to be forewarned that I have crabs." "That's all right," said the faggot... "I love seafood!! [/QUOTE]
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