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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063767327" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Legs In The Air</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."</p><p>The next day when Susie’s dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">IIIII</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy was fucking his girlfriend in a park by the side of the road when a cop car pulled up.</p><p>"Just what the hell do you think your doing?" asked the cop.</p><p>The guy looked up at the cop and said, "I'm fucking my girlfriend!"</p><p>"Great!" said the cop, "I'm next!"</p><p>"Sounds good to me," replied the guy, "I have never fucked a cop before!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">IIIII</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One woman says to another, "I can't understand why you haven't gone</p><p>to see that new gynecologist yet!"</p><p></p><p>"My gynecologist is fine. I don't need to change."</p><p></p><p>"But the new one's so young and handsome, while your gynecologist is</p><p>so old!"</p><p></p><p>The other woman replies with a smile, "Yeah, I know. His hands</p><p>shake all the time!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">IIIII</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two Swedish housemaids are having their pictures taken.</p><p></p><p>The first one asks, "Why is he lookin' at us like that?"</p><p></p><p>The second replies, "He's got to focus."</p><p>"Oh no," says the first one, "you tell him he has to take the</p><p>picture first."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">IIIII</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?</p><p>A. Toys for Twats</p><p></p><p>Hickory Dickory dock</p><p>Some slut was suckin my cock</p><p>Her hair got tangled</p><p>The bitch was strangled</p><p>But at least she swallowed the lot!!!!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Gentleman Quiz</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Want to know if you're, or someone you know is a gentleman?</p><p></p><p>1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:</p><p>a) Lovemaking</p><p>b) Screwing</p><p>c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town</p><p></p><p>2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:</p><p>a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship</p><p>b) Your blood-test results</p><p>c) Five tequila slammers</p><p></p><p>3. You time your orgasm so that:</p><p>a) Your partner climaxes first</p><p>b) You both climax simultaneously</p><p>c) You don't miss SportsCenter</p><p></p><p>4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:</p><p>a) Healthy, creative love-play</p><p>b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to</p><p>c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about</p><p></p><p>5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:</p><p>a) The best part of the experience</p><p>b) The second best part of the experience</p><p>c) $100 extra</p><p></p><p>6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:</p><p>a) No concern of yours</p><p>b) Not a problem - she can join your gym</p><p>c) A conservative estimate</p><p></p><p>7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:</p><p>a) A myth</p><p>b) An oxymoron</p><p>c) A moron</p><p></p><p>8. Foreplay is to sex as:</p><p>a) Appetizer is to entree</p><p>b) Priming is to painting</p><p>c) A queue is to an amusement park ride</p><p></p><p>9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?</p><p>a) "I hope we can still be friends."</p><p>b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."</p><p>c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."</p><p></p><p>10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:</p><p>a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy</p><p>b) Is uptight and a waste of time</p><p>c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place</p><p></p><p></p><p>If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.</p><p></p><p>If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.</p><p></p><p>If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@ </span></strong></p><p></p><p>heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"> ~~~~~</span></strong></p><p>Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?</p><p>A. Mega-saur-ass</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063767327, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Legs In The Air[/COLOR][/B] One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier." The next day when Susie’s dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner." [B][COLOR="Red"]IIIII[/COLOR][/B] A guy was fucking his girlfriend in a park by the side of the road when a cop car pulled up. "Just what the hell do you think your doing?" asked the cop. The guy looked up at the cop and said, "I'm fucking my girlfriend!" "Great!" said the cop, "I'm next!" "Sounds good to me," replied the guy, "I have never fucked a cop before!" [B][COLOR="Red"]IIIII[/COLOR][/B] One woman says to another, "I can't understand why you haven't gone to see that new gynecologist yet!" "My gynecologist is fine. I don't need to change." "But the new one's so young and handsome, while your gynecologist is so old!" The other woman replies with a smile, "Yeah, I know. His hands shake all the time!" [B][COLOR="Red"]IIIII[/COLOR][/B] Two Swedish housemaids are having their pictures taken. The first one asks, "Why is he lookin' at us like that?" The second replies, "He's got to focus." "Oh no," says the first one, "you tell him he has to take the picture first." [B][COLOR="Red"]IIIII[/COLOR][/B] Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos? A. Toys for Twats Hickory Dickory dock Some slut was suckin my cock Her hair got tangled The bitch was strangled But at least she swallowed the lot!!!! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Gentleman Quiz[/COLOR][/B] Want to know if you're, or someone you know is a gentleman? 1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as: a) Lovemaking b) Screwing c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) Your blood-test results c) Five tequila slammers 3. You time your orgasm so that: a) Your partner climaxes first b) You both climax simultaneously c) You don't miss SportsCenter 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a) Healthy, creative love-play b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: a) The best part of the experience b) The second best part of the experience c) $100 extra 6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is: a) No concern of yours b) Not a problem - she can join your gym c) A conservative estimate 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: a) A myth b) An oxymoron c) A moron 8. Foreplay is to sex as: a) Appetizer is to entree b) Priming is to painting c) A queue is to an amusement park ride 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a) "I hope we can still be friends." b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...." c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You." 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy b) Is uptight and a waste of time c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man. If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused. If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking. [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@ [/COLOR][/B] heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff. [B][COLOR="Red"] ~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur? A. Mega-saur-ass [/QUOTE]
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