Reply to thread

See what others are reading now! Try Forums > Current Activity

Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063758088" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Lone Ranger And TontoThe Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they gottheir tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tontowakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.""What that tell you?" asks Tonto.The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomicallyspeaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions ofplanets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appearsto be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically,it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small andinsignificant.Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.What's it tell you, Tonto?"Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber thenbuffalo shit. Someone has stolen tent."A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk a long a countrylane.They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, his lustful desire rises to apeak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don'tmind but I really do need to take a piss."Slightly taken a back by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind thishedge. She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits,he can hear the sound of tight nylon knickers rolling down voluptuous legsand imagines what is being exposed.Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reachesthrough a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings hishand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment findshimself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. Heshouts in horror, "My God, Mary, have you changed your sex!""No," she replies, "I've changed my mind. I'm taking a shit instead." 24 Hours To LiveRalph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor hastold him he only has 24 hous to live.Given the prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, sheagrees, and they make love.About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,"Honey, you know I only have 18 hours to live. Could we please doit one more time?"Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again. Later as Ralphgets in to bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he only has 8hours left.He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, " Honey, please...just onemore time before I die?"She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time.After this session the wife rolls over and falls asleep.Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turnsuntil he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses."Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...?At this point his wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have toget up in the morning...You don't."There was a young lady from WheelingWho professed to no sexual feelingTil a cynic named BorisJust touched her clitorisAnd she had to be scraped off the ceiling"A sermon", thought Father O'Flynn,"I should write 'bout The Evils Of Sin...But my mind is a blank,So I'll sit here and wank,'Til some new inspirations begin."His housekeeper, taken aback,Cried, "Oh Father! It's sinful to wack!"So she whipped off her scanties,(Her bra and her panties)And guided him into her crack."Lord Jesus!" cried Father O'Flynn,"Inspiration at last to begin!"As his housekeeper dribbledHe grabbed paper and scribbledHis sermon: 'The Pleasures Of Sin'.</blockquote>