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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063756767" data-attributes="member: 14320">Alcohol WarningsAlcohol Warnings #1Due to increasing products liability litigation, liquour manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.Alcohol Warnings #2Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub and bar regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug around called "beer" and it is generally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. Please! Forward this to every male you know......However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with a bunch of similarly-affected like-minded guys. For the nearest support group near you just look up 'Bar' or 'Public House' in the yellow pages.Halloween "Scary" Riddle JokesHave you seen Quasimodo?I have a hunch he's back!How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?He turns into a bat every night.How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?With a pumpkin patch.How does a girl vampire flirt?She bats her eyes.What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked his grandfather?"Would you like another piece?"What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?He had two waiters and a busboy.What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?Tombstones.What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?"Don't spook until you're spooken to."What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?I'm bone to be wild.What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?Ghoul-aid.What do ghosts serve for dessert?I Scream.What do sea monsters eat for lunch?Fish and ships.What do witches put on their hair?Scare spray.What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?Hoblin Goblin.What do you call a little monster's parents?Mummy and deady.What do you call a roomful of ghosts?A bunch of boo-boos.What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?A sand witch.What do you do with a green monster?Wait until it ripens.What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.A sour-puss.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?Spare ribs.What game do ghost like to play?Peek-a-Boo.What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"A monster laughing his head offWhat instrument do skeletons play?Trom-BONE.What is a ghost's favorite desert?Iced Screams.What is a ghost's favorite oatmeal?SCREAM of Wheat.What is a vampire's favorite holiday?Fangsgiving.What is as sharp as a vampires fang?His other fang.What is Dracula's favorite kind of dog?A blood hound.What is the tallest building in Transylvania?The Vampire State Building.What kind of key opens a casket?A skeleton key</blockquote>

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