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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063745942" data-attributes="member: 14320">Pearly GatesTwo men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second."I froze to death," says the second."That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first."It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second."I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says."What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."88888A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."88888A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent1 Bar of soap3 individual servings of yogurt2 oranges1 stick of women's deodorant.She then goes to the check out line.Cashier: Oh, you must be singleWoman: You can tell that by what I bought?Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!88888A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, "Blowjob, five dollars". He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was "Mom, what's a blowjob?". His mom replies "Five dollars, just like downtown!".</blockquote>