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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063732871" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Father Of The Child</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was</p><p>very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said,</p><p>"Hello!"</p><p>Her face was beaming.</p><p></p><p>He gave her that "who are you?" look, and couldn't remember ever</p><p>having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she</p><p>had made a mistake and apologized. Look," she said, "I'm really</p><p>sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one</p><p>of my children," and walked out of the store. The guy was</p><p>dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world</p><p>coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who</p><p>fathers her children! "</p><p></p><p>Then he got a little panicky. I don't remember her," he thought</p><p>but, MAYBE during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was</p><p>in college, perhaps he did father her child!</p><p></p><p>He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked,</p><p>"Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really</p><p>drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of</p><p>everyone?"</p><p></p><p>"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's</p><p>second grade teacher!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An older woman walks into a doctors office and says, "Hey Doc, I've got</p><p>a</p><p>problem." The doctor answers, "Really? What seems to be the trouble?"</p><p>The</p><p>woman says,"Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor</p><p>asks,"Well, what have you been taking for it?" The woman says,</p><p>"Pepper."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There once was a young masturbator,</p><p>Who bought an electric vibrator.</p><p>She put it inside,</p><p>But the reason she died,</p><p>Was its faulty speed regulator!</p><p></p><p>There was a young student called Jones,</p><p>Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,</p><p>By his wonderful knowledge,</p><p>Acquired in college,</p><p>Of nineteen erogenous zones.</p><p></p><p>I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some</p><p>money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">For the ladies out there......</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Next time a man hits on you, just ask him if he wants to get laid.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">If (?!) he says yes, just tell him to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.</span></strong></p><p></p><p>What do women and prawns have in common?</p><p>Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great</p><p></p><p>What's worse than your dentist telling you, you have herpes?</p><p>Your mother telling you.</p><p></p><p>What do you call a gay man who's had a vasectomy?</p><p>A seedless fruit.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental</p><p>state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.</p><p></p><p>He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can</p><p>enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."</p><p></p><p>Little Johnny stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how</p><p>to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.</p><p></p><p>"Sally," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding."</p><p></p><p>"I didn't mom," Sally replied. "I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"My wife and I split up because we had too much in common," said the solitary</p><p>drinker to the bartender.</p><p>"Is that so?"</p><p>"Yeah - we both liked to eat pussy!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>A man brings home a cock sucking frog and gives it to his wife.</p><p></p><p>She asks "What the fuck am I supposed to do with that"</p><p></p><p>So he replies "Teach it to cook, then fuck off"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>After some great sex, she lies there stroking his prick.</p><p></p><p>He asks "Do you want more sex?"</p><p></p><p>"No" she replies, "I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: What do you call a Serbian prostitute ?</p><p>A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do women call it PMS ?</p><p>A: Mad Cow Disease was already taken.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>Sing a song of bum sex</p><p>A rectum full of cum</p><p>Four & twenty fat cocks</p><p>Forced up your bum</p><p></p><p>When the orgy’s over</p><p>And your bum begins to sting</p><p>Wasn’t it a bad idea</p><p>To take it up the ring</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063732871, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Father Of The Child[/COLOR][/B] A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you?" look, and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. Look," she said, "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! " Then he got a little panicky. I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?" "No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!" [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] An older woman walks into a doctors office and says, "Hey Doc, I've got a problem." The doctor answers, "Really? What seems to be the trouble?" The woman says,"Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks,"Well, what have you been taking for it?" The woman says, "Pepper." [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] There once was a young masturbator, Who bought an electric vibrator. She put it inside, But the reason she died, Was its faulty speed regulator! There was a young student called Jones, Who'd reduce any maiden to moans, By his wonderful knowledge, Acquired in college, Of nineteen erogenous zones. I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what? [B][COLOR="Teal"] For the ladies out there...... Next time a man hits on you, just ask him if he wants to get laid. If (?!) he says yes, just tell him to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.[/COLOR][/B] What do women and prawns have in common? Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great What's worse than your dentist telling you, you have herpes? Your mother telling you. What do you call a gay man who's had a vasectomy? A seedless fruit. [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He explains, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse." Little Johnny stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. "Sally," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding." "I didn't mom," Sally replied. "I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] "My wife and I split up because we had too much in common," said the solitary drinker to the bartender. "Is that so?" "Yeah - we both liked to eat pussy!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A man brings home a cock sucking frog and gives it to his wife. She asks "What the fuck am I supposed to do with that" So he replies "Teach it to cook, then fuck off" [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] After some great sex, she lies there stroking his prick. He asks "Do you want more sex?" "No" she replies, "I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] Q: What do you call a Serbian prostitute ? A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch. Q: Why do women call it PMS ? A: Mad Cow Disease was already taken. [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] Sing a song of bum sex A rectum full of cum Four & twenty fat cocks Forced up your bum When the orgy’s over And your bum begins to sting Wasn’t it a bad idea To take it up the ring [/QUOTE]
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