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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063721530" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Break-In</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The police department received a call at 1 a. m. from a professor</p><p>at the local university who reported a break-in. "The man was a</p><p>huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the</p><p>bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile</p><p>possibly way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis."</p><p>"That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in</p><p>my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I</p><p>felt like I would split in two. We'll send a squad over right away</p><p>to look for him, the officer said. Oh, you don't have to do that,</p><p>the professor said, he's in the shower now. Why don't you just come</p><p>over and pick him up in the morning."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A lascivious monk from Dundee,</p><p>buggered a nun under a tree,</p><p>while deep in her ass,</p><p>he chanted High Mass,</p><p>and even the Pope came to see.</p><p>There once was a pansy from Khartoum,</p><p>who brought a lesbian up to his room,</p><p>they argued all night,</p><p>over who had the right,</p><p>to do what, with which, and to whom.</p><p>There was a young gigolo named Bruno,</p><p>who said, “Screwing is one thing I do know.</p><p>While women are fine,</p><p>and sheep are divine,</p><p>llama’s are numero uno!”</p><p>There was a young lady from Nizes,</p><p>who had tits of two different sizes,</p><p>one was so small,</p><p>it was nothing at all,</p><p>but the other was quite large, and won prizes!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There are four kinds of sex :</p><p>HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.</p><p>BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.</p><p>HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"</p><p>COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Heavenly Pleasure</span></strong></p><p></p><p>St. Peter and St. Paul are sitting in the staff room in Heaven sharing a</p><p>cigarette with looks of despair on their faces.</p><p></p><p>St. Paul complained, "Peter, I am so fucking bored."</p><p></p><p>"You're Bored??? All I bloody well do is stand at those</p><p>pearly-fucking-gates, say yep you're in or no bugger off sinner. That's</p><p>it for nearly 2000 years" grumbled Peter.</p><p></p><p>Jesus strolls in whistling to himself and asks, "Hiya boys, Wassup??"</p><p></p><p>Paul replied, "We're bored J, we don't got nothing to do but be</p><p>saintly."</p><p></p><p>Jesus says, "I've been thinking the same thing so I went to Pops and</p><p>asked him if we could have one day of sin downstairs for all the good</p><p>work we done, and he said yep. We get one day every 2000 years. So I've</p><p>booked tickets for the Ministry of Sound nightclub in London and 3 hotel</p><p>rooms in the Hilton Hotel. We'll go down, dance and get our hands on</p><p>some pussy and fuck them all night in our rooms."</p><p></p><p>Peter laughed, "Way to go J, and I'll tell you what. We'll all meet up</p><p>here at noon tomorrow and tell each other all about it. Have something</p><p>to talk about for the next 2000 years."</p><p></p><p>They all agree, so off they go. Their heavenly auras attract the women</p><p>like flies and we leave them winking at each other as they turn the keys</p><p>in the hotel room doors.</p><p></p><p>Next day, Peter is sitting down humming to himself back in God's staff</p><p>room when Paul materializes with a massive smile on his face.</p><p></p><p>"Go on, what happened," says Peter, "you can tell J when he gets here"</p><p></p><p>"Well, she didn't mess about. She just dropped her dress, and was naked</p><p>underneath, did a handstand and started sucking me off while I ate her</p><p>and it carried on from there..."</p><p></p><p>"Nice one," said Peter, "it was different for me, when she undressed she</p><p>had PVC crotchless panties on, and whips and chains in her purse. I</p><p>never new pain could be so pleasurable."</p><p></p><p>All of a sudden Jesus appeared with a face full of gloom and anger.</p><p></p><p>"What's up J?" they asked.</p><p></p><p>"I don't want to talk about it." Jesus scowled.</p><p></p><p>"You've got to, we made a pact and the day of sin is now over so fess</p><p>up," argued Peter and Paul.</p><p></p><p>"All right then, it started out great. She was so beautiful and when she</p><p>undressed she was wearing small, white silk underwear to compliment her</p><p>deep tan. She peeled off her clothes seductively, to really turn me on."</p><p></p><p>"Yes, Yes." the two panted</p><p></p><p>"Then she came over and kissed me deeply, moaning as my hands moved over</p><p>her pert breasts, my hand wandered down to the gash between her legs..."</p><p></p><p></p><p>"And it fucking healed up didn't it!" shouted Peter.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>~*~^~*~^~*~^~</strong></span></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">About My Wife</span></strong></p><p></p><p>My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it.</p><p>My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.</p><p>My other wife is beautiful.</p><p>My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!</p><p>My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063721530, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Break-In[/COLOR][/B] The police department received a call at 1 a. m. from a professor at the local university who reported a break-in. "The man was a huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile possibly way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis." "That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I felt like I would split in two. We'll send a squad over right away to look for him, the officer said. Oh, you don't have to do that, the professor said, he's in the shower now. Why don't you just come over and pick him up in the morning." [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] A lascivious monk from Dundee, buggered a nun under a tree, while deep in her ass, he chanted High Mass, and even the Pope came to see. There once was a pansy from Khartoum, who brought a lesbian up to his room, they argued all night, over who had the right, to do what, with which, and to whom. There was a young gigolo named Bruno, who said, “Screwing is one thing I do know. While women are fine, and sheep are divine, llama’s are numero uno!” There was a young lady from Nizes, who had tits of two different sizes, one was so small, it was nothing at all, but the other was quite large, and won prizes! [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Heavenly Pleasure[/COLOR][/B] St. Peter and St. Paul are sitting in the staff room in Heaven sharing a cigarette with looks of despair on their faces. St. Paul complained, "Peter, I am so fucking bored." "You're Bored??? All I bloody well do is stand at those pearly-fucking-gates, say yep you're in or no bugger off sinner. That's it for nearly 2000 years" grumbled Peter. Jesus strolls in whistling to himself and asks, "Hiya boys, Wassup??" Paul replied, "We're bored J, we don't got nothing to do but be saintly." Jesus says, "I've been thinking the same thing so I went to Pops and asked him if we could have one day of sin downstairs for all the good work we done, and he said yep. We get one day every 2000 years. So I've booked tickets for the Ministry of Sound nightclub in London and 3 hotel rooms in the Hilton Hotel. We'll go down, dance and get our hands on some pussy and fuck them all night in our rooms." Peter laughed, "Way to go J, and I'll tell you what. We'll all meet up here at noon tomorrow and tell each other all about it. Have something to talk about for the next 2000 years." They all agree, so off they go. Their heavenly auras attract the women like flies and we leave them winking at each other as they turn the keys in the hotel room doors. Next day, Peter is sitting down humming to himself back in God's staff room when Paul materializes with a massive smile on his face. "Go on, what happened," says Peter, "you can tell J when he gets here" "Well, she didn't mess about. She just dropped her dress, and was naked underneath, did a handstand and started sucking me off while I ate her and it carried on from there..." "Nice one," said Peter, "it was different for me, when she undressed she had PVC crotchless panties on, and whips and chains in her purse. I never new pain could be so pleasurable." All of a sudden Jesus appeared with a face full of gloom and anger. "What's up J?" they asked. "I don't want to talk about it." Jesus scowled. "You've got to, we made a pact and the day of sin is now over so fess up," argued Peter and Paul. "All right then, it started out great. She was so beautiful and when she undressed she was wearing small, white silk underwear to compliment her deep tan. She peeled off her clothes seductively, to really turn me on." "Yes, Yes." the two panted "Then she came over and kissed me deeply, moaning as my hands moved over her pert breasts, my hand wandered down to the gash between her legs..." "And it fucking healed up didn't it!" shouted Peter. [COLOR="Red"][B]~*~^~*~^~*~^~[/B][/COLOR] [B][COLOR="Teal"]About My Wife[/COLOR][/B] My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My other wife is beautiful. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. [/QUOTE]
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