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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063717315" data-attributes="member: 14320">What Woman Say vs. What Women Really MeanCAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? ... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... really means, "without you in it."DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."NO, PIZZA'S FINE.... really means, "you cheap slob!"I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. ... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? ... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"COME HERE. ... really means, "My puppy does this, too."I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.... really means, "just not in that way."YOU NEVER LISTEN. ... really means, "You never listen.WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. ... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.... really means, "I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will."OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. ... really means, "I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch."I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. .... really means, "We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.___________A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.'Care to go upstairs and have a shag?' the husband asks.`Sshhh ' said the bride. `All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, "Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?'So the following night, the husband asks, `I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?''No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep.When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and she nudged her husband and said,`I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?''No thanks,' said the husband, 'it was only a small load and I've done it by hand.'Blind DateMy friend set me up on a blind date after my first divorce.Well, he was a friend at the time.Anyway, I called her up and said, "I can't take you anywhere reallyexpensive because I'm paying lawyers for a divorce right now."She was cool. She said, "We can eat at Hardees, eight pieces ofchicken and four biscuits for $6.99." She was a husky girl (youknow, Sears catalog).When we got to Hardees, she was moving! I only got two wings out ofeverything! She wouldn't even butter her biscuits, she would pop abiscuit and then do a butter chaser! I couldn't watch her eat thechicken. She kept getting crumbs in her moustache. She would havegotten it all if her teeth were in!Don't get me wrong... I still did her!--------In days of old, when knights were bold,And girls were quite particular.They would put them up against the wall,And fuck them perpendicular.--------One morning a long-wed couple were in an amorous embrace and the wife says: "Honey, that viagra is so wonderful, let me fix us a nice full breakfast... eggs, bacon, toast..."The husband says: "No, I'm not hungry, the viagra takes away my appetite."Later in the day, the wife says: "Sweetheart, I want to do something for you, let me fix you a nice wholesome lunch, fresh salad with your favorite ingredients, steamed veggies, and some grilled fish fillets..."The husband again refuses, "I'm just not hungry after using that viagra."Long about dinner time, the wife tries again, "Are you hungry yet?, I'll fix a steak and potatoes dinner with hot rolls."The husband still refuses, "No, that Viagra just kills my appetite."The wife then firmly says "well, I'm getting something to eat, so get OFF of me!!!"--------Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?A. Bonds mature.Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?A. Strip Poker</blockquote>