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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063701766" data-attributes="member: 14320">A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," said the doctor, "you're pregnant.""But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.""Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed." _____________________________I sat by the Duchess for tea,And she asked, "Do you fart when you pee?"I said with some wit,"Do you belch when you shit?"And I felt it was one up for me______________________________A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. Suddenly the boat begins to sink. The Protestant Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi says, "Screw the children." The Priest then replies, "Do we have time for that?"Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon."Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'mgonna rip the wife's knickers off!""What's the rush?" his mate asked."The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.~ Q ~Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?~ A ~They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.~ Q ~Why do men like jacking off in front of a mirror?~ A ~Because objects appear larger than they really are!What do you call a homosexual's athletic supporter?A fruit cup.===Proctologist: "Do you know I just pulled a dozen roses out of your rectum?"Gay patient: "Is that so? What's the card say?"===What's blue and comes in Brownies?Cub Scouts.===Where do women pilots sit?In the cuntpit.===When is a wet dream hazardous?When you're under a electric blanket.===What do you call a faggot in the navy?A Rear Admiral.===What do you call two women in a freezer?Cold cunts.NEW L.A. Drivers Exam...For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:Name:___________________ Stage name: ____________________Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________Therapist name:_________________Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?Yes___ No ___Please list brand of cell phone: ________.*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________Please check hair color:Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum BlondeTeenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] SkinheadPlease check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)[ ] Eating[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee[ ] Applying make-up[ ] Shaving (male or female)[ ] Talking on the phone[ ] Texting[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs[ ] Tanning[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)[ ] Watching TV[ ] Reading Variety[ ] Surfing the net via laptop[ ] Discharging firearms / ReloadingPlease indicate how many timesa) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:a) Call the police to report the crime.b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.d) Call your therapist.In the event of an earthquake, you should :a) stop your carb) keep driving and hope for the best.c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.In the instance of rain, you should:a) never drive over 5 MPH.b) drive twice as fast as usual.c) you're not sure what "rain" is.Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.Are you presently taking any of the following medications?a) Prozacb) Zoviraxc) Lithiumd) Zanaxe) Valiumf) Zoloftg) All of the aboveh) None of the above*If none, please explain: __________________.Length of daily commute:a) Less than 1 hourb) 1 hourc) 2 hoursd) 3 hourse) 4 hours or more* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.When stopped by police, you should:a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:a) using your directional signals.b) what is a "directional signal"?Which part of your car will wear out most often?a) the wiper bladesb) the beltsc) the hornThe "bright" setting on your headlights is for:a) dark, poorly lit roadsb) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the wayc) revenge!Your rear view mirror is for:a) watching for approaching carsb) watching for approaching police carsc) checking your hair</blockquote>

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