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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063693710" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Where'd You Do It Last?</span></strong></p><p></p><p>If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's something</p><p>wrong with you... Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work</p><p>and hearing this. Many Chicago folks did hear this on the WBAM FM</p><p>morning show in Chicago.</p><p></p><p>The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is</p><p>called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and ask if they are</p><p>married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers</p><p>"yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.</p><p></p><p>The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with</p><p>phone number) for Verification.</p><p></p><p>If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both</p><p>win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made</p><p>the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is</p><p>possibly the funniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all</p><p>went down:</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?"</p><p></p><p>Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida</p><p>if you win. What is your name? First only please.</p><p></p><p>Contestant: "Brian."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?</p><p></p><p>Brian: "Yes."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: (laughing nervously "Yes I am married."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."</p><p></p><p>Brian: "Sarah"</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: "She's gonna kill me."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work"</p><p></p><p>Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: "She is gonna kill me."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! "</p><p></p><p>Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."</p><p></p><p>Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: "About 10 minutes."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said</p><p>that if a trip wasn't at stake."</p><p></p><p>Brian: "Yeah, a trip would be nice."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this</p><p>morning?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us</p><p>for a couple of weeks..."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Uh Huh..."</p><p></p><p>Brian:"...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."</p><p></p><p>Brian: "On the kitchen table."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred</p><p>times I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his</p><p>wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."</p><p></p><p>Three Minutes of Commercials Follow</p><p></p><p>DJ: "OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we? "</p><p></p><p>(touch tones...ringing..)</p><p></p><p>Clerk: "Kinkos."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"</p><p></p><p>Clerk: "This is she."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I have</p><p>Been speaking with Brian for a couple hours now."</p><p></p><p>Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to</p><p>give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooo do you know the rules of</p><p>'Mate Match'?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "No"</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Good"</p><p></p><p>Brian: (laughing)</p><p></p><p>Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay? Be</p><p>completely honest."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If</p><p>your answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to Orlando,</p><p>Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets to the Magics</p><p>game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to work."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "What time?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his</p><p>manhood. We've got one last question,</p><p>Sarah. You are one last question away from a trip to Florida. Are you</p><p>ready?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Where did you have it?"</p><p></p><p>Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"</p><p></p><p>Brian: "Just tell him, honey."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "Well..."</p><p></p><p>DJ: "Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?"</p><p></p><p>Sarah: "In the ass...."</p><p></p><p>After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station</p><p>break." </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The 98 Year Old Man</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a 98 year old man who moved into a nursing home.</p><p>For his age, he was very fit and in really good shape. The nursing</p><p>home's doctor came in to give him his physical and the man said,</p><p>"How old do you think I am?"</p><p>The doctor checked his heart and lungs and had him do a few</p><p>exercises and said, "I would say you were around 78." </p><p>The old man smiled told the doctor that he was actually 98</p><p>years old.</p><p>The man was walking out of the doctor's office and saw a</p><p>little old lady sitting there. She was pretty gray and was all</p><p>bent over. The man said to the lady, "How old do you think I am?"</p><p>She looked him over pretty good then told him to pull down</p><p>his pants. He did as he was told. Then she told him to pull his</p><p>underwear down also. He obeyed. She reached over and fondled his</p><p>various parts and counterparts. She kept this up for quite</p><p>sometime. She appeared to be in deep concentration. She finally</p><p>looked up at the man and said, "I'd say you were 98."</p><p>The man was stunned! He said, "How could you tell?"</p><p>"I heard you tell the doctor."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">nnnn</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.</p><p>"How are you grandpa?" he asks.</p><p>"Feeling fine," says the old man.</p><p>"What's the food like?"</p><p>"Terrific, wonderful menus."</p><p>"And the nursing?"</p><p>"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."</p><p>"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"</p><p>"No problem at all, nine hours solid every night.</p><p>At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra</p><p>tablet...and that's it. I go out like a light."</p><p>The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off</p><p>to question the nurse in charge.</p><p>"What are you people doing?," he says, "I'm told you're giving an</p><p>85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"</p><p>"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him</p><p>a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well.</p><p>The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him</p><p>from rolling out of bed."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">nnnn</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Have you heard about the woman who had sex with a racehorse?</p><p>She's now in a stable condition.</p><p>Why is it that a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch</p><p>diameter vagina in pitch black darkness without looking and cannot park</p><p>a 6 foot car in a 7 foot parking spot in broad daylight?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063693710, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Where'd You Do It Last?[/COLOR][/B] If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's something wrong with you... Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks did hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for Verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down: DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please. Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what? Brian: "Yes." DJ: "Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?" Brian: (laughing nervously "Yes I am married." DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please." Brian: "Sarah" DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?" Brian: "She's gonna kill me." DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work" Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work." DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! " Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..." DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?" Brian: "About 10 minutes." DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake." Brian: "Yeah, a trip would be nice." DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?" Brian: Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..." DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?" Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..." DJ: "Uh Huh..." Brian:"...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: "On the kitchen table." DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." Three Minutes of Commercials Follow DJ: "OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we? " (touch tones...ringing..) Clerk: "Kinkos." DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk: "This is she." DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I have Been speaking with Brian for a couple hours now." Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?" DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooo do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?" Sarah: "No" DJ: "Good" Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?" Brian: (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest." DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets to the Magics game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to work." DJ: "What time?" Sarah: "Around 8 this morning." DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?" Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one last question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Where did you have it?" Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?" Brian: "Just tell him, honey." DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?" Sarah: "Well..." DJ: "Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?" Sarah: "In the ass...." After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break." [B][COLOR="Teal"]The 98 Year Old Man[/COLOR][/B] There was a 98 year old man who moved into a nursing home. For his age, he was very fit and in really good shape. The nursing home's doctor came in to give him his physical and the man said, "How old do you think I am?" The doctor checked his heart and lungs and had him do a few exercises and said, "I would say you were around 78." The old man smiled told the doctor that he was actually 98 years old. The man was walking out of the doctor's office and saw a little old lady sitting there. She was pretty gray and was all bent over. The man said to the lady, "How old do you think I am?" She looked him over pretty good then told him to pull down his pants. He did as he was told. Then she told him to pull his underwear down also. He obeyed. She reached over and fondled his various parts and counterparts. She kept this up for quite sometime. She appeared to be in deep concentration. She finally looked up at the man and said, "I'd say you were 98." The man was stunned! He said, "How could you tell?" "I heard you tell the doctor." [B][COLOR="Red"]nnnn[/COLOR][/B] A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet...and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed." [B][COLOR="Red"]nnnn[/COLOR][/B] Have you heard about the woman who had sex with a racehorse? She's now in a stable condition. Why is it that a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in pitch black darkness without looking and cannot park a 6 foot car in a 7 foot parking spot in broad daylight? [/QUOTE]
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