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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063669441" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Get Rid Of The Crabs</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how</p><p>to get rid of them. There are three options.</p><p></p><p>1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think</p><p>that there is another crotch to jump off onto.</p><p></p><p>2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire</p><p>and stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first</p><p>half.</p><p></p><p>3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk</p><p>duds.</p><p>When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be</p><p>sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat</p><p>some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs</p><p>really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water.</p><p>While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There once was a whore named Nellie,</p><p>who's clients complained she was smelly.</p><p>She was given some soap,</p><p>the kind dangling on rope,</p><p>but never made it past her belly.</p><p></p><p>Nellie's next was a tender young buck,</p><p>come to call for his very first fuck.</p><p>He went down for a nibble,</p><p>alas, there was dribble.</p><p>She was already full of cum, darn his luck!</p><p></p><p>The English teacher had each pupil write then read an essay on how</p><p>his summer went. One boy began, "Last week, my Daddy fell down our well."</p><p>"WHAT?" the teacher interrupted. I trust he is alright!"</p><p>"Must be," the boy replied. "Yesterday he stopped yelling for help."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">How To Fuck Like A Black Dude</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A white guy is sitting in a bar next to a black guy. "Hey, dude," he</p><p>asks. "How's it you black dudes are so popular with the ladies?"</p><p></p><p>"Well," the black guy replies, "It is all a matter of fuckin'. When you</p><p>white guys fuck, you just stick it in and Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am!</p><p>It's all over before it's even started. When we make love to a woman,</p><p>we tease her first, and then only when she begs for it, we stick it in</p><p>slow, and gentle like. That's the secret, man, tease her until she begs</p><p>you for it, and then slow and gentle like. Works every time."</p><p></p><p>The white guy finishes his drink and goes home. That night, in bed with</p><p>his wife, he remembers the black guy's advice. First he teases his wife</p><p>until she begs him to put it in her, and then he starts fucking her, but</p><p>very slowly and very gently.</p><p></p><p>"Hey," she says to him passionately. "When did you learn to fuck like a</p><p>black guy?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Girls, they say the hand is quicker than the eye...</p><p>So, quick, come over here and jerk me off. No one will see you!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey,</p><p>little girl, want a lollipop?"</p><p>The girl says, "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your cock."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy's driving by a field and sees a cow kneeling and praying and a</p><p>rabbit fucking a cat.</p><p>He says, "Holy cow, look at the hare on that pussy."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco,</p><p>Crisssssssco!"</p><p>Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in</p><p>aisle D."</p><p>The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff.</p><p>I'm calling my husband."</p><p>The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?"</p><p>The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when</p><p>we're out in public."</p><p>"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"</p><p>"Lard ass."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063669441, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Get Rid Of The Crabs[/COLOR][/B] Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how to get rid of them. There are three options. 1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think that there is another crotch to jump off onto. 2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire and stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first half. 3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk duds. When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water. While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] There once was a whore named Nellie, who's clients complained she was smelly. She was given some soap, the kind dangling on rope, but never made it past her belly. Nellie's next was a tender young buck, come to call for his very first fuck. He went down for a nibble, alas, there was dribble. She was already full of cum, darn his luck! The English teacher had each pupil write then read an essay on how his summer went. One boy began, "Last week, my Daddy fell down our well." "WHAT?" the teacher interrupted. I trust he is alright!" "Must be," the boy replied. "Yesterday he stopped yelling for help." [B][COLOR="Teal"]How To Fuck Like A Black Dude[/COLOR][/B] A white guy is sitting in a bar next to a black guy. "Hey, dude," he asks. "How's it you black dudes are so popular with the ladies?" "Well," the black guy replies, "It is all a matter of fuckin'. When you white guys fuck, you just stick it in and Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am! It's all over before it's even started. When we make love to a woman, we tease her first, and then only when she begs for it, we stick it in slow, and gentle like. That's the secret, man, tease her until she begs you for it, and then slow and gentle like. Works every time." The white guy finishes his drink and goes home. That night, in bed with his wife, he remembers the black guy's advice. First he teases his wife until she begs him to put it in her, and then he starts fucking her, but very slowly and very gently. "Hey," she says to him passionately. "When did you learn to fuck like a black guy?" [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] Girls, they say the hand is quicker than the eye... So, quick, come over here and jerk me off. No one will see you! [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] A guy pulls up to a little girl playing on the sidewalk and says, "Hey, little girl, want a lollipop?" The girl says, "My mommy told me not to take candy from strangers. But if you give me twenty bucks, I'll suck your cock." [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] A guy's driving by a field and sees a cow kneeling and praying and a rabbit fucking a cat. He says, "Holy cow, look at the hare on that pussy." [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lard ass." [/QUOTE]
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