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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063640695" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Glass Eye</span></strong> </p><p></p><p>A man living on the second storey of an apartment block was leaning out of the window one morning to check whether it was raining when a glass eye suddenly fell into his hand. Looking up, he saw a girl peering down from four stories above. "Is this yours?" he called out. "Yes," she replied. "Hold on," he said. "I'll bring it up to you." So he took the glass eye up to the girl's apartment. She invited him in and they started chatting. Not only was she extremely grateful to him but she also found him incredibly attractive and so she asked him out to dinner that evening. He readily accepted. The meal was a great success and afterwards she suggested they go back to his place and go to bed. She stayed the night and when she left the following morning, he said: "I'm sorry but I have to ask. Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=====</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young couple were banging away like there was no</p><p>tomorrow, when the boy stopped and asked the girl to spread her</p><p>legs farther apart, which she eagerly did, anticipating more of his</p><p>enthusiastic vigor. Instead, he timidly asked her to spread her</p><p>legs even farther apart. She said, "Why? What are you trying to</p><p>do, ram your balls inside me?"</p><p>"No. I've already done that. Now I am trying to get them</p><p>back out."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: How can you tell that the letter you received came from a leper</p><p>colony?</p><p>A: Because there is a tongue stuck to the stamp.</p><p></p><p>Q: What do you call 1,000 lesbians armed with rifles?</p><p>A: Militia Etheridge.</p><p></p><p>Q: Can you identify the functional difference between a Jewish</p><p>American Princess and poverty?</p><p>A: Poverty sucks.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">What I've Learned From Watching Porn...</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Women wear high heels to bed.</p><p></p><p>2. Men are never impotent.</p><p></p><p>3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.</p><p></p><p>4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not</p><p>scream</p><p>with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.</p><p></p><p>5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with</p><p>sperm.</p><p></p><p>6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.</p><p></p><p>7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.</p><p></p><p>8. Women always orgasm when men do.</p><p></p><p>9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.</p><p></p><p>10. All women are noisy fucks.</p><p></p><p>11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo</p><p>in</p><p>the background.</p><p></p><p>12. Those tits are real.</p><p></p><p>13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his</p><p>half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.</p><p></p><p>14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.</p><p></p><p>15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl</p><p>isn't</p><p>disgusted!)</p><p></p><p>16. Double penetration makes women smile.</p><p></p><p>17. Asian men don't exist.</p><p></p><p>18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the</p><p>bushes,</p><p>the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove</p><p>your</p><p>cock in his girlfriend's mouth.</p><p></p><p>19. There's a plot.</p><p></p><p>20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by</p><p>giving her a gentle slap on the butt.</p><p></p><p>21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.</p><p></p><p>22. Men always pull out.</p><p></p><p>23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,</p><p>she'll</p><p>only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.</p><p></p><p>24. Women never have headaches... or periods.</p><p></p><p>25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to</p><p>remind</p><p>her to "suck it".</p><p></p><p>26. Assholes are clean.</p><p></p><p>27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all</p><p>parties concerned.</p><p></p><p>28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's</p><p>trousers</p><p>and find a cock there.</p><p></p><p>29. Men don't have to beg.</p><p></p><p>30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand</p><p>firmly</p><p>on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his</p><p>hip.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063640695, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Glass Eye[/COLOR][/B] A man living on the second storey of an apartment block was leaning out of the window one morning to check whether it was raining when a glass eye suddenly fell into his hand. Looking up, he saw a girl peering down from four stories above. "Is this yours?" he called out. "Yes," she replied. "Hold on," he said. "I'll bring it up to you." So he took the glass eye up to the girl's apartment. She invited him in and they started chatting. Not only was she extremely grateful to him but she also found him incredibly attractive and so she asked him out to dinner that evening. He readily accepted. The meal was a great success and afterwards she suggested they go back to his place and go to bed. She stayed the night and when she left the following morning, he said: "I'm sorry but I have to ask. Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye." [B][COLOR="Red"]=====[/COLOR][/B] A young couple were banging away like there was no tomorrow, when the boy stopped and asked the girl to spread her legs farther apart, which she eagerly did, anticipating more of his enthusiastic vigor. Instead, he timidly asked her to spread her legs even farther apart. She said, "Why? What are you trying to do, ram your balls inside me?" "No. I've already done that. Now I am trying to get them back out." [B][COLOR="Red"]======[/COLOR][/B] Q: How can you tell that the letter you received came from a leper colony? A: Because there is a tongue stuck to the stamp. Q: What do you call 1,000 lesbians armed with rifles? A: Militia Etheridge. Q: Can you identify the functional difference between a Jewish American Princess and poverty? A: Poverty sucks. [B][COLOR="Teal"]What I've Learned From Watching Porn...[/COLOR][/B] 1. Women wear high heels to bed. 2. Men are never impotent. 3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. 4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. 5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm. 6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. 7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. 8. Women always orgasm when men do. 9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. 10. All women are noisy fucks. 11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. 12. Those tits are real. 13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. 14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. 15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!) 16. Double penetration makes women smile. 17. Asian men don't exist. 18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. 19. There's a plot. 20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt. 21. Nurses suck patient's cocks. 22. Men always pull out. 23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you. 24. Women never have headaches... or periods. 25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". 26. Assholes are clean. 27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. 28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there. 29. Men don't have to beg. 30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. [/QUOTE]
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