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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063632206" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Husband Died</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The day after Mrs. Lillycrap's husband died, she received a call from the undertaker.</p><p></p><p>He told her he could not close her husband's casket because he died with an</p><p>enormous hard-on.</p><p></p><p>Mrs. Lillycrap told the undertaker she would be right down to fix the problem.</p><p></p><p>When she arrives, Mrs. Lillycrap produced a meat cleaver from her purse and</p><p>wacked of her husband's pecker.</p><p></p><p>As she was leaving, the undertaker asked what she was going to do with the pecker.</p><p></p><p>She exclaimed " I'm going to take it home and cook this damn thing!"</p><p></p><p>Puzzled, the undertaker asked "why?"</p><p></p><p>Mrs. Lillycrap said, " I've eaten this thing raw for 40 years,</p><p>now I want to see how it tastes cooked!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=====</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Bullshit," thinks the man and walks in. "So you say you have</p><p>every flavor ice cream in the world? O.K., I would like three</p><p>scoops of pussy flavored ice cream, please."</p><p></p><p>"No problem, sir."</p><p></p><p>The assistant gives the man three scoops of ice cream in a cone</p><p>and the man takes a good lick. Grimacing, he says, "This</p><p>doesn't taste like pussy, it tastes like shit!"</p><p></p><p>The assistant replies, "Of course it tastes like shit when you</p><p>take such long licks!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=====</span></strong></p><p></p><p>My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's</p><p>borderline irrational.</p><p>So what's your question?</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=====</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.</p><p>The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it.</p><p>The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Really grippy pliers.</p><p></p><p>9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and</p><p>some tan spray paint.</p><p></p><p>8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35 psi.</p><p></p><p>7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring</p><p>at your computer monitor. Hasn't worked yet, but I'm sticking</p><p>with it anyway.</p><p></p><p>6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in a</p><p>warm location.</p><p></p><p>5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use.</p><p></p><p>4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has swollen</p><p>to desired size.</p><p></p><p>3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt.</p><p></p><p>2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's</p><p>leash before taking him for his walk.</p><p></p><p>1. Daily workouts with your "Wienersize!" videotape.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Viagra</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a</p><p>meeting the table floats;</p><p></p><p>2. You begin to look at the dog with interest;</p><p></p><p>3. Your face is very pale due to lack of blood;</p><p></p><p>4. When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin</p><p>to call you "The Tripod";</p><p></p><p>5. You begin to think your mother-in-law is pretty;</p><p></p><p>6. Sunbathing nude outside standing, birds perch on it; Sunbathing nude</p><p>outside lying down, you look like a sundial;</p><p></p><p>7. Everyone at the bank, grocery store etc....lets you go to the front</p><p>of the line;</p><p></p><p>8. Compared to you Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar;</p><p></p><p>9. You always lose limbo contests;</p><p></p><p>10. Lewinsky wants you to be President someday;</p><p></p><p>11. You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick;</p><p></p><p>12. You sleep on your back so you had to remove the ceiling fan.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063632206, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Husband Died[/COLOR][/B] The day after Mrs. Lillycrap's husband died, she received a call from the undertaker. He told her he could not close her husband's casket because he died with an enormous hard-on. Mrs. Lillycrap told the undertaker she would be right down to fix the problem. When she arrives, Mrs. Lillycrap produced a meat cleaver from her purse and wacked of her husband's pecker. As she was leaving, the undertaker asked what she was going to do with the pecker. She exclaimed " I'm going to take it home and cook this damn thing!" Puzzled, the undertaker asked "why?" Mrs. Lillycrap said, " I've eaten this thing raw for 40 years, now I want to see how it tastes cooked!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=====[/COLOR][/B] "Bullshit," thinks the man and walks in. "So you say you have every flavor ice cream in the world? O.K., I would like three scoops of pussy flavored ice cream, please." "No problem, sir." The assistant gives the man three scoops of ice cream in a cone and the man takes a good lick. Grimacing, he says, "This doesn't taste like pussy, it tastes like shit!" The assistant replies, "Of course it tastes like shit when you take such long licks!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=====[/COLOR][/B] My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. So what's your question? [B][COLOR="Red"]=====[/COLOR][/B] A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it. The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test done?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques[/COLOR][/B] 10. Really grippy pliers. 9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and some tan spray paint. 8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35 psi. 7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring at your computer monitor. Hasn't worked yet, but I'm sticking with it anyway. 6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in a warm location. 5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use. 4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has swollen to desired size. 3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt. 2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's leash before taking him for his walk. 1. Daily workouts with your "Wienersize!" videotape. [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Viagra[/COLOR][/B] 1. At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting the table floats; 2. You begin to look at the dog with interest; 3. Your face is very pale due to lack of blood; 4. When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you "The Tripod"; 5. You begin to think your mother-in-law is pretty; 6. Sunbathing nude outside standing, birds perch on it; Sunbathing nude outside lying down, you look like a sundial; 7. Everyone at the bank, grocery store etc....lets you go to the front of the line; 8. Compared to you Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar; 9. You always lose limbo contests; 10. Lewinsky wants you to be President someday; 11. You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick; 12. You sleep on your back so you had to remove the ceiling fan. [/QUOTE]
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