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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063629088" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Truisms</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Behind every successful man, there is a great woman and behind every great woman, there is a smart guy staring at her butt. </p><p></p><p>If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. </p><p></p><p>Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one. </p><p></p><p>A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress. </p><p></p><p>Chess players mate better. </p><p></p><p>Excuses are like asses: everyone has em and they all stink. </p><p></p><p>Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts. </p><p></p><p>If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK. </p><p></p><p>Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex. </p><p></p><p>Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". </p><p></p><p>If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. </p><p></p><p>There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together. </p><p></p><p>The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night. </p><p></p><p>I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed. </p><p></p><p>Prostitution is a hole sale business. </p><p></p><p>A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. </p><p></p><p>It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park meat in woman. </p><p></p><p>What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. </p><p></p><p>Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. </p><p></p><p>Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight. </p><p></p><p>I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind. </p><p></p><p>Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people. </p><p></p><p>Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. </p><p></p><p>Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!</p><p></p><p>Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's</p><p>troublesome.</p><p></p><p>Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a</p><p>while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually</p><p>enjoying it.</p><p></p><p>Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is</p><p>in trouble again.</p><p></p><p>Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.</p><p></p><p>Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.</p><p></p><p>Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does</p><p>milk.</p><p></p><p>Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them!!</p><p></p><p>You're not a complete idiot, there're still some parts missing!</p><p></p><p>Forgive your enemies but remember their names </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Really grippy pliers.</p><p></p><p>9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and</p><p>some tan spray paint.</p><p></p><p>8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35 psi.</p><p></p><p>7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring</p><p>at your computer monitor. Hasn't worked yet, but I'm sticking</p><p>with it anyway.</p><p></p><p>6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in a</p><p>warm location.</p><p></p><p>5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use.</p><p></p><p>4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has swollen</p><p>to desired size.</p><p></p><p>3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt.</p><p></p><p>2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's</p><p>leash before taking him for his walk.</p><p></p><p>1. Daily workouts with your "Wienersize!" videotape.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Viagra</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a</p><p>meeting the table floats;</p><p></p><p>2. You begin to look at the dog with interest;</p><p></p><p>3. Your face is very pale due to lack of blood;</p><p></p><p>4. When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin</p><p>to call you "The Tripod";</p><p></p><p>5. You begin to think your mother-in-law is pretty;</p><p></p><p>6. Sunbathing nude outside standing, birds perch on it; Sunbathing nude</p><p>outside lying down, you look like a sundial;</p><p></p><p>7. Everyone at the bank, grocery store etc....lets you go to the front</p><p>of the line;</p><p></p><p>8. Compared to you Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar;</p><p></p><p>9. You always lose limbo contests;</p><p></p><p>10. Lewinsky wants you to be President someday;</p><p></p><p>11. You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick;</p><p></p><p>12. You sleep on your back so you had to remove the ceiling fan.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063629088, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Truisms[/COLOR][/B] Behind every successful man, there is a great woman and behind every great woman, there is a smart guy staring at her butt. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one. A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress. Chess players mate better. Excuses are like asses: everyone has em and they all stink. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK. Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together. The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night. I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed. Prostitution is a hole sale business. A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park meat in woman. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight. I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind. Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people. Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy! Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law. Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them!! You're not a complete idiot, there're still some parts missing! Forgive your enemies but remember their names [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Top 10 Home Penis-Enlargement Techniques[/COLOR][/B] 10. Really grippy pliers. 9. A couple dozen layers of duct tape, a coating of Bondo, and some tan spray paint. 8. Insert bicycle tire pump to the business end and inflate to 35 psi. 7. Just pull on it a couple hundred times each day while staring at your computer monitor. Hasn't worked yet, but I'm sticking with it anyway. 6. Inject a solution of warm water and active dry yeast, and keep in a warm location. 5. Finally put that taffy-pulling machine to good use. 4. Place penis on flat surface, apply hammer until member has swollen to desired size. 3. Break off your relationship with Lorena Bobbitt. 2. Tie a string around it, then tie the other end to your dog's leash before taking him for his walk. 1. Daily workouts with your "Wienersize!" videotape. [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Viagra[/COLOR][/B] 1. At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting the table floats; 2. You begin to look at the dog with interest; 3. Your face is very pale due to lack of blood; 4. When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you "The Tripod"; 5. You begin to think your mother-in-law is pretty; 6. Sunbathing nude outside standing, birds perch on it; Sunbathing nude outside lying down, you look like a sundial; 7. Everyone at the bank, grocery store etc....lets you go to the front of the line; 8. Compared to you Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar; 9. You always lose limbo contests; 10. Lewinsky wants you to be President someday; 11. You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick; 12. You sleep on your back so you had to remove the ceiling fan. [/QUOTE]
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