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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063578702" data-attributes="member: 14320">Jack And Jill On Their HoneymoonJack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.He says "Jack, let me tell you something.On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pantsand handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' She did, and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' Ireplied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'Ever since that night we have never had any problems.""Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.So on his honeymoon Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here, try these on."She does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will,and I don't want you to ever forget that."Jill says nothing. She takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says,"Here, try on mine." He does and says, "I can't get! into your pants."Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."A couple, both 78, went to a sex therapist's office in Winter HavenFlorida.@@@ The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, Will you watchus have sexual intercourse?"The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished,the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you haveintercourse," and charged them $50.This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make anappointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, thenleave.Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to findout?"The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's marriedand we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $140. We do it here for$50 and I get $43 back from Medicare. Bumper Sticker Suggestions1. Constipated people don't give a shit.2. Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?5. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.6. Please tell your pants its not polite to point.7. If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.8. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.9. Thank you for pot smoking.10. To all you virgins thanks for nothing.11. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seekcounseling.12. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".13. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.14. Horn broken...watch for finger.15. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.16. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.iiiA couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I amgoing to make you the happiest woman in theworld."The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."iii"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack saysas he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what doyou think the neighbors would think if I mowed thelawn like this?""Probably that I married you for your money," shereplied.</blockquote>

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