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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063573729" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Blonde Nun</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.</p><p>"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.</p><p>Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.</p><p>I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.</p><p>"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Reading A Book</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for</p><p>sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on and read a book. As he was</p><p>reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling</p><p>with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and</p><p>went back to reading his book.</p><p>The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The</p><p>husband was confused and asked,</p><p>"What are doing taking all your gear off?". The wife replied, "You were</p><p>playing with my pussy. I though it was foreplay for something a bit</p><p>heavier".</p><p>The husband said, "No, not at all".</p><p>The wife then asked," Well, what were you doing then?". "Oh", he said,</p><p>"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!".</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">o0o0o0</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every</p><p>time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing down. This goes on</p><p>for a while when his wife sticks her head out of the front door and</p><p>yells. "You need more tail."</p><p>The father yells back "Fuck You, I told you yesterday I needed more tail</p><p>and you told me to go fly a kite".</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">o0o0o0</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Jay went to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he said, "I've got trouble. Every time</p><p>I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed;</p><p>I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I'm going</p><p>crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink.</p><p>"Come to me three times a week and I'll cure you." "How much do you</p><p>charge?"</p><p>"A hundred dollars per visit."</p><p>"I'll think about it."</p><p>Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.</p><p>"Why didn't you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist. "For</p><p>a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars." "Is that</p><p>so! How?"</p><p>"He told me to cut the legs off the bed." </p><p>I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.</p><p>"There must be something you would have of me," said God.</p><p>"Well, there is one thing," she said.</p><p>"Just name it," said God.</p><p>"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me.</p><p>I would like for blonde jokes to stop."</p><p>"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere.</p><p>But surely there is something that I could do just for you."</p><p>"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.</p><p>"Name it. Please," said God.</p><p>"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend.</p><p>"Man this weekend was the best!" David says. "I finally scored."</p><p>Simon says, "Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst experience I've</p><p>ever had."</p><p></p><p>"How so?" replies David.</p><p></p><p>Simon relates, "That girl Cecilia brought me back to her room and said</p><p>she would do anything I want. So I asked her to go down on me, and she said</p><p>no problem. In the middle of the whole thing, she starts turning green,</p><p>coughing like crazy and passes out."</p><p></p><p>"Damn!" Simon says. "What happened?"</p><p>David responds, "Turns out she's allergic to nuts." </p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>Why do blondes wear long hair?</p><p>To hide the air valve.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>How many Rednecks does it take to eat a meal?</p><p>Two, One to eat and</p><p>another to watch for cars.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===========</span></strong></p><p>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.</p><p>That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.</p><p>Why did they fire Ronald MacDonald?</p><p>They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>A guy goes into the doctor's office.</p><p>There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.</p><p>The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"</p><p>The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>What's the definition of a computer nerd?</p><p>A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, but doesn't know any girls.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>John is out in the country with his new bride.</p><p>They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.</p><p>His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that."</p><p>He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p>Why do polish dogs have flat noses?</p><p>Because they chase parked cars.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063573729, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Blonde Nun[/COLOR][/B] One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God. "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Reading A Book[/COLOR][/B] There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on and read a book. As he was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What are doing taking all your gear off?". The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I though it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said, "No, not at all". The wife then asked," Well, what were you doing then?". "Oh", he said, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!". [B][COLOR="Red"]o0o0o0[/COLOR][/B] A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing down. This goes on for a while when his wife sticks her head out of the front door and yells. "You need more tail." The father yells back "Fuck You, I told you yesterday I needed more tail and you told me to go fly a kite". [B][COLOR="Red"]o0o0o0[/COLOR][/B] Jay went to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week and I'll cure you." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll think about it." Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed." I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun. "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it. Please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..." [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend. "Man this weekend was the best!" David says. "I finally scored." Simon says, "Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst experience I've ever had." "How so?" replies David. Simon relates, "That girl Cecilia brought me back to her room and said she would do anything I want. So I asked her to go down on me, and she said no problem. In the middle of the whole thing, she starts turning green, coughing like crazy and passes out." "Damn!" Simon says. "What happened?" David responds, "Turns out she's allergic to nuts." [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] Why do blondes wear long hair? To hide the air valve. [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] How many Rednecks does it take to eat a meal? Two, One to eat and another to watch for cars. [B][COLOR="Red"]===========[/COLOR][/B] I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. Why did they fire Ronald MacDonald? They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King! [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right" [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] What's the definition of a computer nerd? A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, but doesn't know any girls. [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] John is out in the country with his new bride. They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other. His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that." He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time." [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] Why do polish dogs have flat noses? Because they chase parked cars. [/QUOTE]
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