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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063572845" data-attributes="member: 14320">Victoria's SecretGrandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted to buy some fancy new panties to get Grandpa in the mood.The sales lady talked her into buying a real nice, bright red crotchless pair.Grandma put them on and waited for Grandpa to come home.When Grandpa came home, Grandma was all laid out on the bed spread-eagle,pointing down to the new crotchless panties she had on.She said, "Come on Grandpa, you want some of this?"Grandpa said, "Lord no, it done ate a hole in your panties."^^^^^Two old whores walking down the streetNo coats on their back no shoes on their feetToo old to screwToo proud to suckTwo old whores shit out of luck^^^^^A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER. She said that sheand her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off and shewasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers. "I went to the bathroom andgagged myself to vomit but couldn't vomit it up either."^^^^^Martha was having a heart to heart talk with her mom on her first visithome since heading off to college."Mom, I have to tell you, I lost my virginity.""Well, hon, I'm not surprised," consoled her mother. "It was bound tohappen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurableexperience.""Well, yes, and no.""What do you mean?""The first twelve guys felt great, but after them, my pussy got realsore." Melrose Place TV series Rules1. If your "significant other" leaves town for more than a week, sleepwith whomever you want. After all, you can't be expected to wait around forever.2. Never sleep with your boss or coworker. Just kidding. You shoulddo both, often.3. A good way to unwind after a hard day at the office is to build afire, curl up with a good book, and rapidly drink seven largeglasses of straight vodka.4. Every once in a while, just go ahead and slap somebody in theface, really hard.5. Pretend you're pregnant.6. Feeling a little insecure? Buy a gun! 7. If marriage isn'tworking, consider a divorce. If divorce isn't convenient, fake yourown death.8. Don't walk too fast when feigning blindness. 9. Never base arelationship on lies and deceit. Just kidding! Dishonesty should bean integral part of any relationship.10. When you leave someone to die of carbon monoxide poisoning, be sureto shut the door tightly on your way out.11. Don't date drug dealers...unless they're really good-looking... orhave a lot of money...or unless you can gain something from it insome way...or...oh hell, go ahead and date drug dealers.12. Don't get too close to people in comas. Sometimes they wake up andtry to choke you.13. If you get fired, get drunk.14. Call your ex-wife "Baby."15. If you've got to fix your Harley, you might as well take off yourshirt and do it by the pool.16. Randomly insult the people around you.17. Parents will be parents. Sometimes they'll nag. Sometimes they'll bejudgmental. Sometimes they'll commit you to a miserable insaneasylum where you'll be bound in a straightjacket and heavilysedated.18. If you lose your job, wait a few minutes and you'll get an even better job at twice the salary.19. A good way to aggravate your sister is to tell her that Mom likedyou best. Another good way is to sleep with her husband a bunch oftimes.20. Just because you're in the midst of ruining someone's career doesn'tmean that you can't carpool to work with them._______A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his crotch.The bartender says, "Hey buddy - you know you have a steering wheelsticking out of your crotch?"The guy says, "Yeah - It's driving me nuts."</blockquote>

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