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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063567251" data-attributes="member: 14320">BeautifulOne day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher askedfor a show of hands from those who could use the word"beautiful" in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "Myfather bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautifulin it."Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautifulbanquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at thedinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant,and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"_________A lady called a music store about a recording, but dialed wrong andconnected with an auto mechanic instead.She asked, "Do you have two lips and seven kisses?"...He said, "No..But I have two balls and seven inches."She responded, "Is that a record?"He said, "No...But it's a damn good average"_________Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent overthe recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would justkill herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took outEarl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in theheart since it was already so badly broken in the first place.Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden tosomeone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where theheart would be.The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshotwound to her knee. Horny SupermanOne day Superman was feeling a bit horny.So, he began to ask his super hero friends for ideas on whereHe could get a bit of action."Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?""Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder woman is theBest sex in Comic land.Why don't you try her?", replied Batman."I'd love to, but Wonder woman and I are friends.So I don't really want to take advantage of her.""Damn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye toSuperman and drove off.Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city whenHe saw the Green Lantern patching up a building.He flew down. "Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action.You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comic land?""Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder womanIs far and away the best lay in Comic land, why don't you try her?""Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said,"but I didn't realize she had gotten around so much"And he flew off in frustration.Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field whenHe saw Wonder woman lying naked, in the middle of the field,With her legs apart and up in the air.Superman was tempted.He thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet,I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here."So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone.Wonder woman stared up into the sky with a dazed _expression."What the hell was that??" she exclaimed."I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off,"but my ass is killing me."@@@A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me.Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse!Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with me?"Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor,I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom,HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... you're just going through the change!"</blockquote>

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