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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063563886" data-attributes="member: 14320">Divorce LetterDear Wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving youforever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I havenothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called totell me that you quit your job today and that was the laststraw.Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had anew haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore abrand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and wentstraight tosleep after watching all of your soaps.You don't tell me you lovemeAnymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husbandand wife.Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;whatever the case, I'm gone.Your EX-HusbandP. S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving awayto West Virginia together! Have a great life!Dear Ex-Husband:Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It'strue that you and I have been married for seven years,although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constantwhining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.I DID noticewhen you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing thatcame to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'Since my motherraised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice,I didn't comment .And when you cooked my favorite meal, youmust have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stoppedeating pork seven years ago.About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was acoincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars fromme that morning.After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we couldwork it out.So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quitmy job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you weregone.Everything happens for a reason, I guess.I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. Mylawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dimefrom me. So take care.Signed,Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!HeatherP. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carlawas born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.@@@ A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comesback there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses anote to the Chinaman that says, "Use more soap on panties."This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to thelaundry.Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said, "Usemore paper on ass."The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When ...- She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish.- The milkman is wearing your bathrobe.- You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show.- She starts every sentence with the words ..."To whom it may concern."- Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident."- The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit.- Her mother looks at you and starts laughing.- You are urged to stir your coffee "very well," before drinking it.- Your favorite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet.- All of your shirts have a target painted on them.- People are already referring to her as the "widow."- You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation.- Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ..."Joe's Place."@@@A young boy was in the shower with his grandfather and asked him ifgrandma looked the same as they did between her legs. Grandpa said, "Nosonny, when she was young it looked like a peach with fuzz on it andnowit looks like a cow turd that a wagon wheel has run through."@@@A guy got his date out on a country road and pretended to run out ofgas hoping to make out.She wasn't going for it and said she had a $100 bill in her purse andshe'd buy gas, but he'd have to walk to town to get it.He said he had to pee first. While he was peeing she decided to light amatch near the gas neck to see if there was any gas in there.There was a big explosion and she called out to him "Honey, help mefind my purse, it's got my $100 in it!" He said "Hell with that.Help me find my right hand, it's got my dick in it!"</blockquote>

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