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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063563095" data-attributes="member: 14320">Who Was More Drunk?Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"The room was silent for a moment.Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my Dog!!"aaaaaOnce upon a time a beautiful independent self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with mum, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so". That night, while the princess dined on frogs legs, she laughed to herself and thought :"I don't fucking think so".aaaaaYo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit !!Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.Boob PoemFor years and years they told me,Be careful of your breasts.Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.And give them monthly tests.So I heeded all their warnings,And protected them by law.Guarded them very carefully,And I always wore my bra.After 30 years of astute care,My Gyno, Dr. Pruitt,Said I should get a Mammogram."O.K," I said, "let's do it.""Stand up here real close" she said,(She got my boob in line),"And tell me when it hurts," she said,"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."She stepped upon a pedal,I could not believe my eyes!A plastic plate came slamming down,My hooter's in a vise!My skin was stretched and mangled,From underneath my chin.My poor boob was being squashed,To Swedish Pancake thin.Excruciating pain I felt,Within it's vise-like grip.A prisoner in this vicious thing,My poor defenseless tit!"Take a deep breath" she said to me,Who does she think she's kidding?!?My chest is mashed in her machine,And woozy I am getting."There, that's good," I heard her say,(The room was slowly swaying.)"Now, let's have a go at the other one."Have mercy, I was praying.It squeezed me from both up and down,It squeezed me from both sides.I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,To HER tender little hide.Next time that they make me do this,I will request a blindfold.I have no wish to see again,My knockers getting steamrolled.If I had no problem when I came in,I surely have one now.If there had been a cyst in there,It would have gone "ker-pow!"This machine was created by a man,Of this, I have no doubt.I'd like to stick his balls in there,And see how THEY come out</blockquote>

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