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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063548956" data-attributes="member: 14320">Addicted To CigarsA man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy."When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, re wrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar.""Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!""Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."aaaaaA woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six."aaaaaI was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job.""Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?""Do you want a hand job?"She's a keeper.aaaaaThere once was a husky young VikingWhose sexual prowess was striking.Every time he got hotHe would scour the twatOf some girl that might be to his liking.It always delights me at Hank'sTo walk up the old river banks.One time in the grassI stepped on an ass,And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."Blonde MomentsASTROLOGYTwo blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"The other blonde turns and says: "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????CAR TROUBLEA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"SPEEDING TICKETA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"KNITTINGA highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!""NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"BLONDES ON THE SUNA Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"IN A VACUUMA blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"IN PAINA brunette goes to see her doctor: "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the Doc. "Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch my foot here, it hurts." "Tell me," said the Doctor, "Do you dye your hair?" "Yes," she said "I'm really a blonde." "I thought as much, you've broken your finger."TRACKSThere were two blondes walking in the woods. As they werewalking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. Onestops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The othergoes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." Sothey fight about what they are and are not, and the next daythe paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train".</blockquote>

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