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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063543644" data-attributes="member: 14320">Better DefinitionsADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women go to curl up and dye.CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.MYTH: A female moth.MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a timeTOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines......A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don'tbelieve it, just try this experiment. Put your dog andyour wife in the trunk of the car for an hour, Whenyou open the trunk, which one is really happyto see you?.....Let's keep incest in the family.Constipation is the thief of time; diarrhea waits for no man.Daffynition - foreplay: The conversation with a womanwherein you either wildly exaggerate or flat out lie aboutyour positive qualities in order to get laid.Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide all his eggs?A: He doesn't want you to know that he fucks chickens......There was a little girl who had a little curlRight in the middle of her forehead.When she was good, she was very, very good.But when she was bad........She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car......Q: What is every Amish chick's fantasy?A: Two Mennonite.Q: How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?A: You have to make airplane noises to get your cock inher mouth.Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?A: An offer you can't understand.Cigarette LighterA young girl who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighterto economize in matches. After a short time it began to givetrouble.So she spoke to a gentleman who had one, having just seen him lighta cigarette with it and put it in his pocket.She: Now be a dear and tell me about that thing you have there inyour trousers.He: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) I'm notused to discussing such things with ladies.She: Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work?Do you jerk it up and down?He: Oh, sometimes...She: Then it's different from mine, mine just opens and shuts. Doyou rub yours up and down until something comes?He: Oh yes, especially in cold weather.She: Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?He: No, most certainly not!She: Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it beforethen?He: Of course I haven't.She: You should try it then sometime, it takes the stiffness out ofit.He: Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl.She: (Thinking he referred to smoking) Oh, every girl does itnowadays anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?He: Yes, it is rather on the long side.She: I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I usedoes not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours go red onthe end when it's dry?He: Yes.She: So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me muchtrouble.Would you like to have a look at it?He: No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark.She: Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight.It has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag aroundit.I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her lighter).Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out again,damn... now I'll have to go back to matches.The young man collapses._________If a woman is uncomfortable watching me wank, should she:a) Get to know me better?b) Stop being such a prude?orc) Find another seat on the bus?_________What's 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with a P?A really good crap.Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.________A blind man and his guide dog are in a department store. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around. A startled shop assistant asks the man "Can I help you, sir? The blind man replies quickly without thought, "No thanks. Just looking around."</blockquote>

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