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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063540970" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."zzzzzHarry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."zzzzzAn old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains ofher cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a deadpussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him andsaid, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."zzzzzWhat's grosser than gross?When Siamese Twins are connected by the mouth and one pukes.They say one way you can tell the difference between a young prostitute andan old prostitute these days is that a young prostitute uses petroleumjelly and the old prostitute uses denture adhesive.A man walks into a bar and sits down to a man that is obviously intoxicated. He smells a foul odor and asks the drunk, "Did you crap your pants?" The drunk said "yup." The man then asked the drunk, "Why don't you go to the bathroom?", to which the drunk replied, "Cause I ain't done yet!" Cyber Baby Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to findout anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at acyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreedto a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, wediscovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it wastoo late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Upappeared and said: "You've Got Male!"#$#$#$#$#$All over the bed we did roamI swear from my mouth I did foamI was just fit to popWhen we both had to stop..As a voice said "Hey honey, I'm home!!"****I want to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep.Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.****A girl and a boy were at the back of the movie theater, kissing passionately.When they come up for air, the boy says, "I really love kissing you, but do you mind not passing me your chewing gum."The girl replies,"It's not chewing gum, I've got bronchitis".________________________________10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'VE HAD WILD SEX1. Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge.2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies.3. An earthquake of 5.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area.4. The cat's exhausted from just watching you.5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bedsprings.6. You've both gone down one clothing size.7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There's nothing left to adjust.8. You have to breathe into a brown paper bag.9. Boy, are you hungry!10. You're absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.</blockquote>

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