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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063488532" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">For Those who Reed and Right</span></strong></p><p></p><p>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;</p><p>but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.</p><p></p><p>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,</p><p>yet the plural of moose should never be meese.</p><p></p><p>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;</p><p>yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.</p><p></p><p>If the plural of man is always called men,</p><p>why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?</p><p></p><p>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,</p><p>and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?</p><p></p><p>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why</p><p>shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?</p><p></p><p>Then one may be that, and three would be those,</p><p>yet hat in the plural would never be hose,</p><p>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.</p><p></p><p>We speak of a brother and also of brethren,</p><p>but though we say mother, we never say methren.</p><p></p><p>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,</p><p>but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.</p><p></p><p>Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language.</p><p></p><p>There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor</p><p>pine in pineapple.</p><p></p><p>English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for</p><p>granted.</p><p></p><p>But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work</p><p>slowly,</p><p></p><p>boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is</p><p>it a pig.</p><p></p><p>And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't</p><p>groce and hammers don't ham?</p><p></p><p>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?</p><p></p><p>If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of</p><p>them, what do you call it?</p><p></p><p>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?</p><p></p><p>If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be</p><p>committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.</p><p></p><p>In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a</p><p>recital?</p><p></p><p>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?</p><p></p><p>Have noses that run and feet that smell?</p><p></p><p>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the</p><p>same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?</p><p></p><p>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your</p><p>house can burn up as it burns down,</p><p>in which you fill in a form by filling it out and</p><p>in which an alarm goes off by going on.</p><p></p><p>If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?</p><p></p><p>AUTHOR UNKNOWN or is it KNOTKNOWN? </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">Blonde Moment</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,</p><p>she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was</p><p>applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the</p><p>trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on</p><p>by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"</p><p>"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped.</p><p>"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he</p><p>surveyed the wrecked car.</p><p>"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving</p><p>along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.</p><p>So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the</p><p>left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was</p><p>another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..."</p><p>"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on</p><p>this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".</p><p></p><p>I've been thinking about becoming a vegitarian, but I don't want to</p><p>give up eating pussy.</p><p>Did you hear about the women who went fishing with a group of men?</p><p>she came back with a red snapper!</p><p></p><p>Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your</p><p>breasts, than I can always look at them.</p><p></p><p>Wife: Let me</p><p>take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged</p><p></p><p>Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.</p><p>MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng.</p><p></p><p>SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063488532, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]For Those who Reed and Right[/COLOR][/B] We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop? AUTHOR UNKNOWN or is it KNOTKNOWN? [B][COLOR="Red"]Blonde Moment[/COLOR][/B] A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth". I've been thinking about becoming a vegitarian, but I don't want to give up eating pussy. Did you hear about the women who went fishing with a group of men? she came back with a red snapper! Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what? [/QUOTE]
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