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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063481001" data-attributes="member: 14320">Men Are Something Else!!Bill and his friend Ted were sitting in the pub talking about the funny faces they had seen their wives make from time to time.Bill started of by saying, "One day, I'd accidentally pissed on the floor, and my wife went nuts, her face looked like a bullfrog being fucked. I still laugh when I think about it!""That's nothing," said Ted, "This afternoon, I was sitting down watching the TV, when my wife came in and said, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THE GODDAM SINK?' so I went over to the gun rack, pulled out my shotgun, took aim at her head and pulled the trigger!"Bill's face started to turn green, and he said, "That's not funny!"Ted started laughing, and said, "But you didn't see the look on the bitch's face when it was sliding down the wall!"lklklkThree guys were sitting in a pub with hangovers from the night before.The first guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning with my pajamas over my clothes!"The second guy says, "That's nothing, I was so drunk last night I had sex with a woman who I don't even know, and my wife walked in, and I didn't even care!"The third guy says, "You think that's bad, I was blowing spew all night!""That's not too bad!" said the other two."No, no, you don't understand," said the third guy, "Spew is the name of my dog!"lklklkA guy is hanging around the house one day when the phone rang."Hi, this is Cindy, remember me?" said the voice on the phone."Uhhh, no." replied the guy."You took me home after the Christmas party, and you said I was a good sport!" she said."Oh yeah, how are you doing?" he said."Not so good." She told him, "I just found out that I am pregnant and I have decided to kill myself!""Hey, you really are a good sport!" said the man.An Elderly CoupleAn older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was fallingasleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to getback to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kissme." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on thecheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said :"Thenyou used to bite my neck" Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes andgot out of bed. "Where are you going ?"she asked. "To get my teeth.@@@Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I Cum, and onenamed No Cum. No Cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No Cum Tu.For velly oblious reason No Cum and No Cum Tu not have any childlen.One day, No Cum went out of town on business and I Cum came over andspent the night with No Cum Tu. That night I Cum came and No Cum Tucame, too. This make both velly happy.However, about 7 or 8 months later, No Cum see he about to becomefather but he not know how come, so when baby come he named it How CumU Cum.Of course, I Cum and No Cum Tu know How Cum U Cum came, but to this dayNo Cum not know how How Cum U Cum came!Redneck Sayings1. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."2. "It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch."3. "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."4. "Have a cup of coffee, it’s already been ‘saucered and blowed.’"5. "She’s so stuck up, she’d drown in a rainstorm."6. "It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."7. "My cow died last night so I don’t need your bull."8. "Don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s raining."9. "He’s as country as cornflakes."10. "This is gooder’n grits."</blockquote>

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