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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063478993" data-attributes="member: 14320">Two Old LadiesThere was this guy who took very good care of his body. He liftedweights, and jogged six miles everyday. One morning, he lookedin the mirror and admired his body. He noticed that he was sun-tannedall over, except his penis, which he decided to do something about.That afternoon he went to the beach, got completely undressed andburied himself in the sand, except for his penis.Two old ladies came walking along the beach. Upon seeing the thingsticking out of the sand, one old lady began to move it aroundwith her cane, remarking to theother old lady, saying, "You know,there really is no justice in the world." The other lady daid, "What do you mean by that?" The old lady said, "Look at that, when I was 20. I was courious about it, when I was 30, I enjoyed it, when I was 40, Iasked for it, when I was 50, I paid for it, when I was 60, I prayed forit, when I was 70, I forgot about it and now that I'm 80,the damn things are growing wild and I'm to old to squat!" ==============You are suffering form what is technically known as an ElectraComplex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient."In other words, you are in love with your father."The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing."Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It's not all that bad.""Yes..(snif)...yes, it is," gets out the blonde between sobs. "I have no chance at all...he's a married man!"==============A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. Theprosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night ofAugust 24th?""Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!""Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand."I don't mind answering the question.""I object!" the defense said again."No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is noreasonfor the defense to object."So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night ofAugust 24th?"The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."A BlondeA blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came homefrom work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping forjoy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping upand down, when she told him that she was pregnant!He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he askedher how she knew.She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and boughtthe TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"=========I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneel pweor of the hmuan mnid.Aoccdrnig to a rscheearcr at Cmagbride Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers of a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is tahtthe first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,but the wrod as a wlohe.Amzanig huh?Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpelng was ipmorantt! =========A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This isher first pregnancy.The doctor asks her if she has any questions.She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain.How much will childbirth hurt?"The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman andpregnancy to pregnancy...and besides,it's difficult to describe pain.""I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks."Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little...""Like this?""A little more...""Like this?""No. A little more...""Like this?""Yes. Does that hurt?""A little bit.""Now stretch it over your head!"</blockquote>

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