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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063436877" data-attributes="member: 14320">Spittoon A tramp walked into a bar one day and started begging for drinks. One of the patrons says he will by the old drunk a drink, but first he has to take a drink from the spittoon in the corner.The wino is in a bad way, so he takes the guy up on his offer, goes over and picked up the spittoon, raises it to his lips, and starts swallowing all the greenie yellow snot down his throat.The guy at the bar, who didn't really think the tramp would do it is horrified, "Stop, Stop," he yells, " I will buy you a drink now!"But the tramp keeps drinking all the snot, dribbling some down his chin, gurgling away on the slimy fluid."Stop now," says the patron, "I will buy you a full bottle!"But still the tramp keeps guzzling down the rotten cough drizzle. "Please stop," said the patron, "I will buy you two bottles!"But still the tramp keeps swallowing the snotty greenie liquid. Finally after about 5 minutes the tramp tips the spittoon right back and slurps the rest of the snot from the bottom.He walks back to the bar collects his two bottles and begins to leave.The patron, spewing all over the bar, tears running down his face says, "Tell me, why didn't you stop when I asked you to?""I couldn't," said the tramp, "It was all in one lump!"-------------Q: What's the best thing about getting a handjob from a 7 year old girl?A: It makes your dick look bigger.Q: What do lesbians like to use for a lubricant?A: Tartar sauce.Q: What indication do we have that the lower part of a woman's body wasdesigned by a Polack?A: Who else would have placed the shithole so close to the snack bar?-------------Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a funeral home. One turns to the other and says:"Hey, you wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?" Pick-Up LinesWill you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you !Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet.Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?Wow! Are those real?There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow meto introduce myself.True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'dlike to catch and mount back at my place.Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table andtake what I want?How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to yourbelly button.You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a foot longIf you were a bugger I would pick you first.If I let you suck on my tongue would you be gratefull I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in thefridge.Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day longfor just a quarter!!Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread theword.If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can Ivisit you between the holidays?Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?@@@These two men were cell mates at state penitentiaryfor nine years. One day Larry said to Joe,"You know man its been a long time since we had somesex so you oughta let me screw you."Joe replied. "Are you crazy?!!"Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'llflip a coin and see who screws, who first.So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won.Still having strong reservation Joe asked,"How will you tell if it hurts or not?"Larry told Joe,"If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop.But if it feels good start singing."Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,Moooooooo.... Moooooo... Mooooon River</blockquote>