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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063420458" data-attributes="member: 14320"> Amputate The DickThis man had been to Asia and had been making love to a lot of thebeautiful women there. A short time after returning home he started tohave burning when he would pee. A few days later he noticed his dick wasall swollen, covered in scabs and red and yellow sores oozing dark puss.Very scared he rushed to the doctor and said to her, "please look at mydick". When he showed it to her she gasped suddenly and exclaimed, "holyshit !! it's swollen, covered in scabs and red and yellow sores oozingdark puss".The asked if there was anything she could do to help him. The Dr. toldhim they had no choice but to amputate it as soon as possible or theinfection could kill him.The man was in shock, cut his dick off or die. After a few min. thinkinghe decided if living meant having no dick he might just as well die.He tried several more doctors and all agreed, cut the dick off or die.Suddenly he had an idea. Since he caught this in Asia and Americandoctors can't cure it maybe an Asian doctor could.He went quickly to the Asian portion of the city and rushed into theoffice of an Asian doctor.Quickly he had the doctor examine his dick. The doctor was shocked whenhe saw it and exclaimed, "howy shit, yur dick aw swowin and covered inscabs and wed and yerrow sores and dark puss.The man told him American doctors want to amputate his dick to stop theinfection but he hoped an Asian doctor could help.The Dr said "howy fuck, they want cut dick off ??? they no need dothat".The man was greatly relieved to hear this and was thanking the doctorwhen he heard the doctor say. "sure, they no need cut dick off, in twoor three day it fall off by self anyway".========"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."========What's the fastest way to a man's heart?Through his chest with a sharp knife.How can you tell if a man is happy?Who cares?Guide To Great Cybersex1. Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex pleasemake sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of theroom at the time, (preferably out of the house and notduring a major holiday when your in-laws are also presentor at a time when all your relatives are in attendance.)It really gets difficult explaining what you are doingundressing in front of the computer, drooling out of onecorner of your mouth, moaning and groaning while the buzzof various "toys" can be heard.2. For men, before you begin, please check that your modemprotector is on, along with the splash guard for yourkeyboard. It will stop the future embarrassment of tellingthe computer technician that your keys are "stuck" and youhave no idea why.3. For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, suchas, sweat pants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers,t-shirt with stains on the front, bloomer underwear thatcould cover a car or be used for a parachute, always tellyour potential cyber partner you are wearing a thong,garter belt with black stockings, and your best wonder bra,(the one that has everything pulled up so high yourbellybutton is under your chin), and a pair of high heels.We don't want to destroy that myth that all women dressthat way when we sit down at the computer. Although I trulywear these things each and every time I sit in front of mycomputer. It does seem to cause a bit of a commotion at theoffice but I have certainly worked my way up the ranks inthe company.) As for what the man should be wearing, we allknow that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.4. If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain fromstraddling your monitor, there are many potential emergencyroom stories to be told if you get overly excited, not tomention the many years of therapy to get you to let go andnot continue this sordid affair with your 17" screen.5. If the cyber is not going well, please let the otherperson know in the best way you can. It is not very politeto tell them that you are doing your nails, have just madeup your grocery list for the next month, shingled thehouse, pulled out one of your wisdom teeth because you werebored, would rather read the instructions on how to set thetime on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure thelight still works when you open the door, and last but notleast, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to stop themonotony.6. When it really starts getting hot and heavy, pleasecheck your spelling before you send that embarrassing typo,i.e., "oh baby, let me suck on those beautiful beasts ofyours. I just love your hot, wet posse" (kinda puts awestern slant on things), hmmmm, things could getinteresting with boots and spurs though. "Oh baby, you havesuch a big coke" (hope you got the super sized fries andburger with that). "That's it baby, show me that beautifulclit" (go ahead, make my day), and the proverbial "oh forkme hard!"7. Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain fromputting your "coke" in one place, when your cyber partnerhad just typed that it was someplace else. If you have noclue as to where the cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. Ifyou are really lost and can't keep up, or you had a case ofpremature cybering and really do not feel like typing for 3days to satisfy your female counterpart, just pretend yougot bumped offline. That always works and at least shewon't take it so personal. Please refrain from the excuse,"I have to let my dog out."8. Once both cyber partners have been satisfied, or fakedsatisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure offaking cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thankyou can mean, thank God its over, or THANK YOU because youtruly had a wonderful time.)9. If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressuredinto ever having cybersex with this person again. When theyask for your email address, just give them the wrong one.If they begin to pester you, its proper etiquette to justbump yourself offline, or just say "HUH? I never got yourmessage." Nobody needs to suffer a really bad cyber twice.10. Last but not least, remember that cybersex will notmake you go blind, unless you keep all the lights out inthe house while having it, watching the screen in the darkdoes make your eyes burn. Realize that you may be addictedif your real life partner walks by naked and you'd ratherbe typing with one hand and still trying to keep a steadyrhythm going. Sex can be just as nice with a partner youknow. And just for variety, when your right hand getstired, try ****** your left hand for something different.Until your next hot session....cyber on my friends!</blockquote>

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