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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063382986" data-attributes="member: 14320">Computer DiagnosisOne day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store thatcan diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer willdiagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It onlycosts $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jarwith a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding thecomputer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. Thecomputer started making some noise and various lights startedflashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper onwhich was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warmwater. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technologywas and how it would change medical science forever, he began towonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tapwater, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wifeand daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Hewent back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in thesample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usualnoise and printed out the followingmessage:"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog hasworms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her ina rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. Theyaren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, yourtennis elbow will never get better."00000Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe havinglunch, when one of them says, "I know that I'm goingto have a boy."The other two women think about that for a moment, andthen one of them says, "OK, how do you know you'regoing to have a boy?""Well, when the child was conceived," says the firstwomen, "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then thesecond woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl.""OK," says the first one, "how do you know you'regoing to have a girl?""Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom.So I'm going to have a girl."They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the thirdwoman obviously getting more and more distressed,until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing?"What's wrong, what's wrong?" the first two women askwith concern.The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enoughto only say one thing.... "I'm going to have a puppy!"</blockquote>

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