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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063345936" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>A Pig Farmer</strong></span></p><p></p><p>A pig farmer in Alabama was trying to get his pigs to breed,</p><p>with no success. Every morning, he'd run outside to the barn and</p><p>perform a pregnancy test on the female pigs. Everyday, the results were</p><p>negative.</p><p>The farmer was baffled.</p><p></p><p>One day, he called the local vet and asked for some advice. The</p><p>farmer explained that he couldn't get his pigs to mate. The vet</p><p>replied, "Try artificial insemination."</p><p></p><p>"What's that?" the farmer asked.</p><p></p><p>The veterinarian said, "It just means if you can't get your pigs</p><p>to mate, you'll have to do it for them."</p><p></p><p>So the next day the farmer rounded his pigs into the back of his</p><p>pickup and headed into the woods. Soon he stopped, and one by one he</p><p>shagged each of the pigs.</p><p></p><p>Later that week, the farmer checked the pigs. None of them were</p><p>pregnant! So the farmer took the pigs out again and shagged them</p><p>really good.</p><p></p><p>After days of this, with no pregnant pigs, the farmer gave up.</p><p>One morning as he went to feed the pigs, he arrived to find that the</p><p>pigs were all missing! He ran back inside the house and shouted,</p><p>"Wife! The pigs are gone!"</p><p></p><p>His wife replied, "Honey you're not going to believe this, but all of</p><p>your pigs are sitting in your pickup, and one of them is honking</p><p>the horn."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">o0o0o0o0o0</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I want</p><p>me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I</p><p>find'em?"</p><p></p><p>The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the</p><p>condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."</p><p></p><p>"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the</p><p>farmer.</p><p></p><p>"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is</p><p>for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you</p><p></p><p>mean spermicide instead of pesticide."</p><p></p><p>"Listen here," argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on it,</p><p></p><p>my wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it."<span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"><span style="font-size: 9px">---------- Post added at 05:53 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 12:02 PM ----------</span></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span><strong><span style="color: Teal">I Won, I Won....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Louie walks into work one Monday morning with a huge</p><p>grin on his face. One of his co-workers says, "Why</p><p>are you so happy?" Louie says, "I played Bingo for</p><p>the first time in my life this weekend and I won a</p><p>thousand bucks!"</p><p></p><p>A week later, Louie walks into work on Monday morning</p><p>and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving</p><p>everyone. One of his co-workers says, "You win at</p><p>Bingo again?" Louie says, "No, no, it's better than</p><p>that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend</p><p>and I won five grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that</p><p>I think I'm going to ask that new Hindu girl in</p><p>accounting out on a date!"</p><p></p><p>The next Monday morning, Louie is doing cartwheels</p><p>down the hall.</p><p>One of his co-workers says, "Did you win another</p><p>lottery?" Louie says, "No, no, it's better than that.</p><p>You know that Hindu girl in accounting I asked out?</p><p>Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her</p><p>up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and</p><p>the next thing I know she's giving me the best blow</p><p>job I ever had!"</p><p></p><p>The co-worker says, "Man, are you frigging lucky!"</p><p>Louie says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's</p><p>blowing me, I look down, and you know that red dot on</p><p>her forehead? I scratched it . . .</p><p>.....and I won another ten grand!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?</p><p>A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.</p><p></p><p>Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?</p><p>A. Humpme Dumpme</p><p></p><p>Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?</p><p>A. More leg-room!</p><p></p><p>Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?</p><p>A. More headroom</p><p></p><p>Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?</p><p>A. They chip their teeth.</p><p></p><p>Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?</p><p>A. An airbag.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063345936, member: 14320"] [COLOR="Teal"][B]A Pig Farmer[/B][/COLOR] A pig farmer in Alabama was trying to get his pigs to breed, with no success. Every morning, he'd run outside to the barn and perform a pregnancy test on the female pigs. Everyday, the results were negative. The farmer was baffled. One day, he called the local vet and asked for some advice. The farmer explained that he couldn't get his pigs to mate. The vet replied, "Try artificial insemination." "What's that?" the farmer asked. The veterinarian said, "It just means if you can't get your pigs to mate, you'll have to do it for them." So the next day the farmer rounded his pigs into the back of his pickup and headed into the woods. Soon he stopped, and one by one he shagged each of the pigs. Later that week, the farmer checked the pigs. None of them were pregnant! So the farmer took the pigs out again and shagged them really good. After days of this, with no pregnant pigs, the farmer gave up. One morning as he went to feed the pigs, he arrived to find that the pigs were all missing! He ran back inside the house and shouted, "Wife! The pigs are gone!" His wife replied, "Honey you're not going to believe this, but all of your pigs are sitting in your pickup, and one of them is honking the horn." [B][COLOR="Red"]o0o0o0o0o0[/COLOR][/B] A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find'em?" The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4." "No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer. "Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide." "Listen here," argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on it, my wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it."[COLOR="Silver"] [SIZE=1]---------- Post added at 05:53 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 12:02 PM ----------[/SIZE] [/COLOR][B][COLOR="Teal"]I Won, I Won....[/COLOR][/B] Louie walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face. One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?" Louie says, "I played Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks!" A week later, Louie walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone. One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?" Louie says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won five grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Hindu girl in accounting out on a date!" The next Monday morning, Louie is doing cartwheels down the hall. One of his co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?" Louie says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Hindu girl in accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and the next thing I know she's giving me the best blow job I ever had!" The co-worker says, "Man, are you frigging lucky!" Louie says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's blowing me, I look down, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it . . . .....and I won another ten grand!" [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money. Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme? A. Humpme Dumpme Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room! Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? A. More headroom Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? A. They chip their teeth. Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A. An airbag. [/QUOTE]
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