A joke a day keeps grumpy face away ^_^
- Thread starter zac
- Start date
Niemans1116
Known Member
IF any ladies who happens to use Rejoice shampoo/conditioner
to make her hair silky smooth..
DO NOT touch her hair...if you persist this is what will happen:
YouTube - 香港ç¦æ’*的廣告
to make her hair silky smooth..
DO NOT touch her hair...if you persist this is what will happen:
YouTube - 香港ç¦æ’*的廣告
Niemans1116
Known Member
This guy goes to a super market and goes to Corner 12 and asks for a box of condoms.
The lady askes "what size" and the guy says "I don't know" so the lady askes him to pull down his pants.
The lady tugs a few times and says "you need a box of x-large condoms".
So this guy hears behind him and he asks for a box of condom's, and the lady says "what size" and the guy says I don't know.
So the lady asks him to pull down his pants.
The lady tugs a few time and says "get a box of medium condoms"
So this teenager in isle 11 hears and wants some of the action.
So he goes to Corner 12 and asks "can I have a box of condoms"
The lady asks "what size" and the teenage says "I don't know"
So the lady asks him to pull down his pants .
When he does, the lady tugs a few times, pick-up the phone and yell it over the PA system "Clean up in Corner 12!"
---------------------------------------------------x---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
Cheerz
The lady askes "what size" and the guy says "I don't know" so the lady askes him to pull down his pants.
The lady tugs a few times and says "you need a box of x-large condoms".
So this guy hears behind him and he asks for a box of condom's, and the lady says "what size" and the guy says I don't know.
So the lady asks him to pull down his pants.
The lady tugs a few time and says "get a box of medium condoms"
So this teenager in isle 11 hears and wants some of the action.
So he goes to Corner 12 and asks "can I have a box of condoms"
The lady asks "what size" and the teenage says "I don't know"
So the lady asks him to pull down his pants .
When he does, the lady tugs a few times, pick-up the phone and yell it over the PA system "Clean up in Corner 12!"
---------------------------------------------------x---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
Cheerz
Niemans1116
Known Member
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.
The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. "Lion," they reprimand, "why’d you do that? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyers should never ask a community grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Dicky, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Tommy. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Dicky, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Harry since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney nearly fell off his chair.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the gallow."
The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.
The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. "Lion," they reprimand, "why’d you do that? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyers should never ask a community grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Dicky, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Tommy. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Dicky, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Harry since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney nearly fell off his chair.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the gallow."
Niemans1116
Known Member
A must see: Student got whacked for laughing in class..
YouTube - taiwan funny (with some vulgar language)
PS: This will surely bring the house down..
YouTube - taiwan funny (with some vulgar language)
PS: This will surely bring the house down..
looks similar to something the japanese have...i think its called dont laugh or something. but the japanese wan really use rotan to whack their butts...
---------- Post added at 05:52 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 05:43 PM ----------
YouTube - Japanese Game Show Marshmallow Eating(VERY FUNNY MUST WATCH)
---------- Post added at 06:06 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 05:52 PM ----------
YouTube - Crazy Treadmill Japanese Game
---------- Post added at 05:52 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 05:43 PM ----------
YouTube - Japanese Game Show Marshmallow Eating(VERY FUNNY MUST WATCH)
---------- Post added at 06:06 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 05:52 PM ----------
YouTube - Crazy Treadmill Japanese Game
Niemans1116
Known Member
Girl: What if a boy hugs me?
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!!!!!.....
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
A boy watches his mum and dad having sex. He ask, "What are you doing?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
The boy say, "Do her doggy style, I want a puppy."
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very pissed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Bob is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Bob happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some 'desert.' Bob happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Bob asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him -- give him a dollar.' The lunch was my idea."
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!!!!!.....
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
A boy watches his mum and dad having sex. He ask, "What are you doing?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
The boy say, "Do her doggy style, I want a puppy."
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very pissed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
-------------------------------------------------------x-----------------------------------------------------------------
Bob is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Bob happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some 'desert.' Bob happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Bob asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him -- give him a dollar.' The lunch was my idea."
Last edited:
Niemans1116
Known Member
Mariah Carey(Mimi) being f@*ked in TV interview:
"And you those jeans look like $h!t! You look like a f*cking ridiculous mess..."
YouTube - Mimi and Bianca
"And you those jeans look like $h!t! You look like a f*cking ridiculous mess..."
YouTube - Mimi and Bianca
Old jokes but still cracks me up
Famous quotes by the one and only Samy Velu ..
1. Samy Velu quoted on Pos Laju: "BESOH KIRIM, HARI INI JUGA SAMPAI "
2. On TV when trying to say he was ashamed, he said:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"
3. Samy said in a ceramah
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini" Then one pakcik asked,
"Datuk,sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan? and Samy gloriously replied ,
"Kalao takde sungai,kita bina sungai"
4. Samy's most favourite quote on the news for the decade is this:-
"Toll naik sikit,banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!
5. Semasa krisis air:
"Semua worang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr..!"
6. Tentang masalah social:
"Worang2 muda sekarang banyak suka hisap dade.."
7. Semasa kempen derma darah di Sg.Siput:
"Marilah kita semua menderma dare..."
8. Semasa memberi ucapan di pelbagai function:
"Selamat datang saudara-mara semua" (It should have been saudara-saudari)
9. During the height of the Al-Arqam saga, he said in a press conference ,
"Saya gumbira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes arqam"
10. At an opening ceremony for a new building:
"Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik dari pentas wuntuk membuka kain "
11. "Kita akan bina roket pigi matahar i".....
reporter responds.."Tapi Dato, matahari terlalu panas untuk didekati"...
Samy responds.." Itu tade masalah....kita hantar waktu malam"....
Famous quotes by the one and only Samy Velu ..
1. Samy Velu quoted on Pos Laju: "BESOH KIRIM, HARI INI JUGA SAMPAI "
2. On TV when trying to say he was ashamed, he said:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"
3. Samy said in a ceramah
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini" Then one pakcik asked,
"Datuk,sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan? and Samy gloriously replied ,
"Kalao takde sungai,kita bina sungai"
4. Samy's most favourite quote on the news for the decade is this:-
"Toll naik sikit,banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!
5. Semasa krisis air:
"Semua worang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr..!"
6. Tentang masalah social:
"Worang2 muda sekarang banyak suka hisap dade.."
7. Semasa kempen derma darah di Sg.Siput:
"Marilah kita semua menderma dare..."
8. Semasa memberi ucapan di pelbagai function:
"Selamat datang saudara-mara semua" (It should have been saudara-saudari)
9. During the height of the Al-Arqam saga, he said in a press conference ,
"Saya gumbira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes arqam"
10. At an opening ceremony for a new building:
"Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik dari pentas wuntuk membuka kain "
11. "Kita akan bina roket pigi matahar i".....
reporter responds.."Tapi Dato, matahari terlalu panas untuk didekati"...
Samy responds.." Itu tade masalah....kita hantar waktu malam"....
SAMY THE MAN!!!! hahahaaOld jokes but still cracks me up
Famous quotes by the one and only Samy Velu ..
1. Samy Velu quoted on Pos Laju: "BESOH KIRIM, HARI INI JUGA SAMPAI "
2. On TV when trying to say he was ashamed, he said:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"
3. Samy said in a ceramah
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini" Then one pakcik asked,
"Datuk,sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan? and Samy gloriously replied ,
"Kalao takde sungai,kita bina sungai"
4. Samy's most favourite quote on the news for the decade is this:-
"Toll naik sikit,banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!
5. Semasa krisis air:
"Semua worang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr..!"
6. Tentang masalah social:
"Worang2 muda sekarang banyak suka hisap dade.."
7. Semasa kempen derma darah di Sg.Siput:
"Marilah kita semua menderma dare..."
8. Semasa memberi ucapan di pelbagai function:
"Selamat datang saudara-mara semua" (It should have been saudara-saudari)
9. During the height of the Al-Arqam saga, he said in a press conference ,
"Saya gumbira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes arqam"
10. At an opening ceremony for a new building:
"Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik dari pentas wuntuk membuka kain "
11. "Kita akan bina roket pigi matahar i".....
reporter responds.."Tapi Dato, matahari terlalu panas untuk didekati"...
Samy responds.." Itu tade masalah....kita hantar waktu malam"....
cracks me up everytime
keep em coming guys
AWESOME stuff!!!
Niemans1116
Known Member
Niemans1116
Known Member
Kindergarten teacher in Korea dancing to Wonder Girls “So Hot”.
The video starts off like all those cute Wonder Girl remakes,
but then you begin to see that this isn’t so innocent. In fact,
you realize this is a Korean kindergarten teacher is stripping
down...then there is a knock at the door..
To watch just click the link below,
and once the Mgoon Video player is on, close the ad on the video screen (if any),
then press the play button..enjoy
(Ignore the pop up add-on installation notice)
http://video.mgoon.com/1603561
PS: Video contains no nudity
The video starts off like all those cute Wonder Girl remakes,
but then you begin to see that this isn’t so innocent. In fact,
you realize this is a Korean kindergarten teacher is stripping
down...then there is a knock at the door..
To watch just click the link below,
and once the Mgoon Video player is on, close the ad on the video screen (if any),
then press the play button..enjoy
(Ignore the pop up add-on installation notice)
http://video.mgoon.com/1603561
PS: Video contains no nudity
Last edited:
Niemans1116
Known Member
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